If the email your H sent you was after a spat and he was angry when he sent it, he may not mean most of what he said. I know that if I get upset with W and say some bad things it takes me a long time to figure out how to makeup to her. You can win him back with a PMA and your expertise in DBing.
Mother's Day evening we spent 3 hrs at a Casino that she invited me to go to with her. We had one of the best conversations in a decade. I swallowed my pride many times so I would not get angry, by controlling my "mouth" when she said something I didn't like, she opened up more and more.
I finally told my XW that I wanted to go to C for anger management. I am a person who cares maybe too much for others, too much for the their well being and I was too much of a perfectionist.
Anger has won me a lot of battles, but I will lose the war if I don't change. If I ever want a positive R with XW or get remarried to her I need to find some way to control myself when she does things that I have a right to be mad about but getting mad or arguing with her will turn her more sour.
Jo, if you and your H get angry at each other when you don't agree I think he may continue getting cold feet. You may have to let him control some aspects of the childrens educ. and discipline that you what more input in to save the overall R. (I am not saying no input forever)
I have a hunch it would help you as well as myself to learn some negotiation skills that keep us from getting upset and angry. Anger will lead to an arguement and our DB points we gain will again be erased. (I know in both of our sit. we have had the right to be mad, but it doesn't mean we should get into arguements with them)
My anger comes up mostly when I feel I need to defend myself. Then as more resentment and hurt comes to the surface I lose the ability to choose my words carefully. If I am calm I can negotiate, choose the appropriate approach. The problem is alot of things my XW says causes me hurt and anquish so I need some help controlling the anger.
I know "anger management/hurt feelings" C would help me alot, do you think it would help you?
