Long-lasting intimate Rs have a basis of friendship. If you could let go of the other parts and just focus on friendly back and forth, the rest will come, Jo.
I know that you are hungry for more. I imagine he is as well. Yet, some work needs to be accomplished first. Imagine yourself as meeting this man and the two of you are working to understand each other. Lots of positive discoveries remain, with no assumptions from the past. Let that go. Except for your daughters, you can let it all go, and then start to rebuild the R you desire brick by brick. Treat him as if you would an intriguing man you were just introduced to at the local cafe.
That's what I mean by friends. And Dogma's suggestion of boundaries fits here. As a new acquaintance wouldn't be graced with your sex yet, neither should H. He needs to work for it and to do his share of R work first.
When H slips and makes assumptions or judgments based on the past, bring the focus back to the here-and-now, and keep you two moving toward your goals.
