Just had a conversation with H. He got a call from a resume he sent in. This job is in Wisconsin, we live in NH. he was very excited about it. Trying not to put a damper on things, I asked him if he had thought about the family, etc. He said don't worry, as long as you have enough money to take care of everything it will be OK. I said, but what if we don't want to live here without you. He told me to stop being dramatic. I really was very calm, I did not say anything with an attitude, I just was mentioning a fact. I know he is depressed about his job loss, but taking a job so far away from the family is not the best solution. I have to keep my mouth shut,and remember that God is in control.Just because he has an interview does not meant hat he will get the job.
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
Hi Thanks for the insight on my thread. Wow, lots going on in your life now. How are you doing with the PMA? You are a strong woman. Hold tight to the things you know and believe. Without a shadow of a doubt there is a purpose and plan even when we don't get it. Read the DR and find one thing you can do, because if the job change does come, you want H to remember how good it was at home. The DR offers so many ways to work on the sitch...if one doesn't work, try something NEW!! Keep posting. I'm reading even when not writing much. Midwest
I am the one doing all of the work in this relationship. I am getting fed up, because I see results and then he slips back and is distant again. He tells me things that I have wanted to hear in so long, but actions speak louder then words. He is away right now and I am trying to cope. He won't be back until next Tuesday, and I am besides myself. He called last night just to say he had arrived and had to go. That was it. My husband is selfish, and all he is thinking about is himself. I can only take so much. He says that he loves me, well I see nothing.
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
Quote: Sage, I have a question for you.. it has been 5 months, and I am so weary. I told him that I feel I have this big cloud of doom hanging over my head, his leverage of divorce. He told me that I need to let things go, and to trust him. But so far I am the one making all of the consessions and changes.How much longer must I have to go on with this?
I have a bunch of different answers to this...I don't know which one (if any) will be the "right" one for you...
first off, are you sure you're the only one changing? I ask because I reached a point in my sitch where I was convinced that I was the only one doing the work...but then I realized (with a little help from my friends ) that I wasn't actually "hearing" the work that he was doing because it wasn't in my "language".
So, for example, I wanted him to say "I love you and will never hurt you again" but he didn't.
But what he did do was bundle me up and hand me an umbrella as I was walking out the door and say "be careful. your safety is important to me!"
Do you see? He WAS caring and making changes but I was so busy looking for X that I couldn't see Y for the life of me.
What helped? I started listing 3 positives a day on my thread. It helped me to see the changes that he was making.
For example: h called today h listened to my fears about the R h reassured me or h picked us up dinner or h folded the laundry
Just small stuff...
Another thought...maybe you ARE doing the lion's share right now...and perhaps you need to keep doing that...patience, the big word and mantra on the BB, right? it's TRUE...it won't necessarily happen in the timeframe you want it to..
Next, sometimes you just need to take a break...are you doing good things for yourself? if not, do so. get your energy back, ok?
And finally (for now), you mentioned that "h gets distant"...if that's what you're basing your "he's not really back" on, well, you may just not be understanding your h....men (sweeping stereotype here) need distance in a way that many women do not. Read "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" if you haven't already.
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Sage, You are right! He has been doing things for me around the house. He bought me a gift, something he hasn't done in years. He did some laundry for me. He went shopping with me. He watched a movie with me. He has been trying, I guess i just want to hear him say I love you and divorce is not an option anymore.
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
One more question for you...Today when he called, I told him that I loved him and I missed him. Then I said, "I guess i won't hear those words from you will I". Then he said "Is that what you are wanting to hear"? I said, " Only if you mean it, I don't want to be told anything just to pacify me". He said that words. Now I feel guilty. Like I pushed him into it. BUT I did give him the option to say nothing.
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
It is wrong for me to expect you to say certain things to me under the current circumstances. I was happy you told me that you loved me, but I also know that you did not say it because you wanted to. I am sorry you felt you were pressured, but I did give you an out, and that is part of the boundary that you set up for me.Your boundaries make me feel safe. I was not trying to make you feel uncomfortable, but those words from you make me feel so good, and I need to hear them, I want to say them. I am tired of feeling that I can not express my feelings for fear of pissing you off. I love you, I miss you, I find you so attractive and sexy. I miss your smell, your touch, just you. Feelings that I had for you that I thought were dead, are not. I am sorry if you feel uncomfortable, but this is how I feel, this is me. You do not have to feel the same about me, I understand that, I have accepted that. There is no pressure on your part. I love you.
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
For years I kept my feelings to myself. I hardly ever told H that i loved him, or that I found him attractive. I actually insulted him and pushed him away from me more times than I care to count. He told me several weeks ago how much it hurt him that I had never complimented him, or made him feel attractive.He told me this morning when he called that he did not feel pressured at all to tell me he loved me, and that I owed no apology. I just need to make sure that I do not make this a habit for now, and will resume my keeping quiet about my feelings.I do not want to push him away.
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
) that I wasn't actually "hearing" the work that he was doing because it wasn't in my "language".