First of all, Slowly ... thanks for your recent mention wondering about me ... four months! ... it even seems strange to look upon the posting screen.
CAW & I are doing OK ... yea, just OK. If fact, I feel closer to relating with your struggles then anytime prior ... especially about keeping harmony. One of the main reasons for my disappearance from the bb was the hopes of feeling some "normalcy" again to living the "married" life (the ole' act as if) rather than the past four years of feeling each day is a struggle just to regain what I had lost so long ago.
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Yes, I too can see more clearly now why NG sulks for so long. Unfortunately I used to react with injured pride and go off to my own cave, consequently any spats used to go into cold war for days Now I just tease him out of it, takes a few hours and a real effort on my part, but it makes for more harmony. I'm also beginning to see just how much of a child he can be sometimes, and maybe just a tad selfish?
WOW, this has been where I've been at for the past THREE months ... and frankly, I've been struggling myself not to take it personally and end up falling into my old patterns. I've even caught myself doing so a couple of times ... slammed on the brakes and throw it back in reverse (that's right ... back to the ole' 180's just to allow me from getting trapped in that old mold again). For the most part, its been working ... even continue to find a 180 now & again that still catches CAW offguard too, usually with a positive impact.)
... but to my grave disappointment the harmony is just lacking the emotion behind it to make it sound like a beautiful piece of music. Ooops ... this is your thread not mine! Wonder how much dust I'll have to dig thru to uncover it? ... not really there yet, but anyway ...
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Today I'm feeling a little out of it, he 'blamed' me for a late filing that he really took responsibility for, and says my 'attitude' is all wrong - meaning I did not remind him, AFTER he told me a few months ago that he can take care of things. Seems like a no win for me, but for now I think I'll just suck up and see how far this goes.
Slowly, in my usual sports couch coaching style , my suggestion for the win is...
Validate that is how he's reads your attitude, but express confidently that your attitude about the whole thing is you have complete certainty in his ability to take on what is important, so thereby you fear that any action of your part would be preceived as meddling and that's not what you want!
Pretty wordy, but it could be stated simply like ... "Sorry you see me in that light, but my attitude is that I have complete confidence in your ability to take of something that seem so important to you. So I feared that any action of my part to remind you would be perceived as being a ________ ( fill in the blank with your favorite term for nag or worse. ). Is that the wrong attitude to have?"
... and the key is to say it in a tone that is not confrontational, but to show him how you are trying to build on the respect you have for him. Something that I feel he needs to know, but I'll leave that to get into for another time...
Now I just tease him out of it, takes a few hours and a real effort on my part, but it makes for more harmony. I'm also beginning to see just how much of a child he can be sometimes, and maybe just a tad selfish? 
Wonder how much dust I'll have to dig thru to uncover it? 
... not really there yet, but anyway ...
, my suggestion for the win is...
). Is that the wrong attitude to have?"
