Long time no hear from, just checking in with you. Haven't had a time to read this thread completely, but just wondered how you're doing.
Let me know,
KMP
Do what you've always done, you'll get what you always got.
http://www.divorcebusting.com/ubbthreads/showflat.php?Cat=&Board=UBB24&Number=896649&fpart=&PHPSESSID=
Do what you've always done, you'll get what you always got.
http://www.divorcebusting.com/ubbthreads/showflat.php?Cat=&Board=UBB24&Number=896649&fpart=&PHPSESSID=
Hi midwest - The facial was FAB. I then went to dinner with a couple of friends I'd not caught up with in a looong time. NG called me 3 times 'just to chat' - it was heaven. Interesting that if I had stayed at home, he may not have called at all. He knew I was out, but not what I was doing, so even in reconciliation, mystery and GAL works BIG TIME.
Time to hit the sack, I think. Good night folks. Slowly
slowly, glad your facial went well. 3 phones calls sounds pretty nice. you are doing such a good job. i have read so many times where reconciliations starts and DBing goes out the window. some ppl feel it is finally over. it is a trap and you are doing everything you can to avoid it. it is wonderful!
about expectations, i kinda feel a little different about that. i think if you expect the worst, you will get the worst, but if you expect the best, you will get the best. this works well i think if you have really gotten detaching down solid. because obviously you are not always going to get what you expect, but if you are detached enough, you dont get emotionally wrapped in bad feelings when you dont get the best.
Michele wrote about this study in the begining of DB where they randomly chose a sample of a few students in a few classes. and they told the teachers that these students were way above average for thier age. these random group of students all performed much better then the other students because the teachers expected them too.
and i think most ppl try to live up to what is expected of them, if they really know what is expected of them. no one likes to dissapoint others.
ok, it must be getting late, because i am rambling.
Hi KA - Thank you so much for the affirmation, yes, I feel very much that the principles of dbing are here to stay for me. I guess I had so many bad habits to start with that there is so much to 'unlearn'
I get what you are saying about expectations and detachment, too. For most of us, the detachment is tougher that lowering expectations, hence the chosen path. I guess greater detachment will come in time.
I'm re-reading Wonder/Michele's link on trust - it so darned close to the bone.
NG called this morning to say he's coming home a day sooner, tonite. Wahoo Slowly
Me again. Glad to hear your getting some traction, that's awesome. On a scale of 1-10 (10 being the best ever) where did you rank your R before DB, and where do you rank it now? How long have you been DB-ing?
I'm trying hard to DB too and have a question for you all. I had my 3rd phone session with a DB coach yesterday (I recommend this highly) and my wife is getting ready to go with a friend to a Dude Ranch in AZ. I told her that if she's going to run off with a cowboy, to at least call me and tell me she's not coming home - my tongue in cheek way of saying don't fool around while gone. To my knowledge she has never strayed since we've married, but I get very nervous about this trip. Of course I'm trying to do the right things - very supportive of the trip, I'm not clingy, I'm not telling her not to go, I booked all the flights/car.... But still I'm nervous.
OK, now the question. My DB coach suggested I create a reason for her to really really look forward to coming back home.
My question is what can that be????
Her love language is one where she values converstation, and Recreational Companionship. She's not touchy (damn), does not like gifts, and is not into praise. She's a bit of a free spirit. One thing I've considered is buying a Harley as we both like to ride, but have not bought a bike due to time constraints with our kids.
Knowing all that, can all of you make any suggestions???
SLOW - You sound like you're in a great place, keep up the good (and hard) work!
Do what you've always done, you'll get what you always got.
http://www.divorcebusting.com/ubbthreads/showflat.php?Cat=&Board=UBB24&Number=896649&fpart=&PHPSESSID=
Glad I came by to visit your thread.Wow! The stuff on expectations is great! I know that I had way too many expectations of my H, including that he would be the 'perfect' man/H and that he was supposed to make me happy.
Looking back I see how unrealistic and unfair it was. I don't know if we can or should live in a R or M without some expectations. But I agree with another poster that having positive expectations helps.
I think lowering them also helps. I intend to re-read the posts on your thread on this.
You seem to be doing really well. Keep it up, and thanks for checking up on me.
Do what you've always done, you'll get what you always got.
http://www.divorcebusting.com/ubbthreads/showflat.php?Cat=&Board=UBB24&Number=896649&fpart=&PHPSESSID=
It started out as 'nice guy' because he claimed he could not do anything to 'hurt' ow Then as we began to piece, it turned out that we were really two new people forming a new relationship, so NG now is really for 'new guy'
Slowly
Betsey 
Then as we began to piece, it turned out that we were really two new people forming a new relationship, so NG now is really for 'new guy'
Slowly