I was going to make some sort of horrible joke about how the machine they use to clean out outhouses is called a honeydipper but then I encountered this image. Maybe this is the team of doctors you need to make a housecall.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
H has really been awesome lately; just wanted to brag on him a bit. He has been staying up a little later and voluntarily giving me affection and time. The amazing thing is that this seems to be completely devoid of resentment--he's enjoying himself and feels good about doing this!
He has also been touching me sexually, though there hasn't been any nookie since last weekend. This makes me so happy; I absolutely love sexual touches, even if they don't lead to anything. It lets me know that he is thinking of me in a racy way and not just as the co-parent.
Yesterday when he walked in the door, he did a very blatant up and down stare of me. In that instant, I realized that this is something he does almost every day. Why have I never noticed this before?! Truthfully, I've noticed but I always just thought he was taking us all in..that Happy Husband Returning Home thing. I think because his eyes..they never registered anything other than "I'm so happy to be home!" Not that I was lookin for bedroom eyes, but there was just not a flicker of anything other than your general cheer there. Yesterday I saw a flicker--and boy was it hard to detect--and I was so surprised that I said, Are you lookin at me?! in a flirty and happy voice and he replied, Yes! I always do..
I think my H is a master at keeping a poker face. I think he notices me but will not allow me to see it, or even himself (when he thinks I'm not looking). Any LD input on this one? I should note that I NEVER press for more so an appreciative look would not 'cost' him anything. There are too many children hanging on me at any given moment to steal away for a quickie. He's safe, lol. But he still wants to keep the poker face firmly in place.
Anyway, I have been giving him lots of compliments (per a discussion we had last week in which he said that he loves it when I do this) and trying to let him know how much I appreciate his efforts of this week, without going overboard. A fine line, but I think I'm doing ok.
One thing I need to work on is acting more sexy. Over the years, I've just stopped doing this for a variety of reasons. Some legitimate, some not. I flirt with him but my body language has become so bland.
Earlier this week, I was laying suggestively on our bed (just cause I felt like it) and I heard him coming towards me. I braced myself thinking, If he doesn't notice me I'll be so disappointed. Even as I was having this thought I knew I was setting up an unfair expectation, so I was attempting to HOM before the fact, lol. He came in and instantly noticed me and ran his hands over me, settling on the bits. Verrrry nice. So that was my inspiration that I need to be more blatant. I would be considered pretty darn blatant to an HD guy, but I'm not married to an HD guy so why not tweak my behavior and see what happens. At the least, he will tell me to knock it off (which he has done in the past) and at the best he will like it and respond in kind, as he did the other night.
First of all, I want to say Happy Birthday to my lovely D2, who is officially D3 today!! The pregnancy with her and the postpartum period was what officially catapulted me into the realm of relationship fixin. Prior to that, I suffered silently, hoping that it would get better..I'd lose more weight, he'd get a grip on his religious obssession, etc.
We had a nice weekend. Busy, as usual. My mother's day was almost derailed by my oldest daughter who is as good as gold every day of her life, except for the day in which I'd really like to be Queenie for a day. I had to punish her ALL day. My H is not the discliplinarian of our house, so that burden falls on me. It was NO fun spending 'my' day messing around with her, and like all good mothers I guilted her about this.
Last night, H initiated in a most sexy and aggressive way. I was surprised and delighted!! He then went on to say that he was really horny the night before (in the middle of the night) but didn't want to disturb my sleep. I asked why he was so horny and he said that he couldn't sleep. One thing I've noticed about my husband is that, in his mind, there needs to be a "reason" for sex. I.e., it is a special occasion, we are on vacation, we got to bed early, the kids are gone, he can't sleep, etc.
Very rarely does he just feel physically horny. It's almost as if these external forces jump start his brain which jump starts his physical longings and then he feels horny. As opposed to myself, whose physical longings remind my brain to survey the scene and see if conditions are right for nookie.
At any rate it was very nice and the pain was less than normal, so that is always good. The colonoscopy has been rescheduled for Thursday so I'd better get all the nookie I can before Wednesday night.
Quote: One thing I've noticed about my husband is that, in his mind, there needs to be a "reason" for sex. I.e., it is a special occasion, we are on vacation, we got to bed early, the kids are gone, he can't sleep, etc.
I think this is a chicken and egg situation. Do I feel horny and then see if there is a possibility of having sex or do I see a possibility for sex and then feel horny? Isn't it all good?
I don't mind the sun sometime
The images it shows
I can taste you on my lips
And smell you in my clothes
Cinnamon and Sugar
And softly spoken lies
You never know just how you look
Through someone elses eyes
BHS-"Pepper"
You're asking an HD female if it's all good?! hee hee, I believe you know how I'm gonna answer that one..
What I'm saying, though, is that there is a possibility (in my mind) for sex every single night. He seems to think of it only when the "regular" nights are different somehow. We get to bed earlier, or our kids are gone, or he can't sleep..there is some changeup in the routine that sparks some interest in him.
I do think that novelty plays a BIG role in the sex drive of the LD partner. Little changes seem to 'throw' my husband more than me, as I am wayyy laidback. He likes routine, but this same routine can often lull him into behavior that hasn't served him well in the past. (such as ignoring his wife) It is a bit of a catch 22 for the both of us: I like change but seem to be a better partner to him when forced to adhere to a routine; he likes routine but is a better partner to me when forced to shake it up once in a while.
Unfortunately we are married to each OTHER and there are not many opportunities to be both carefree and routine all at the same time!
Wish I could add to the butt jokes but it's not my strong point. (My H would be a real asset here.)
I had a colonoscopy a few years ago and the procedure itself was not a big deal. The prep is a pain - the day before make sure you are at home from 3 or 4pm on and not far from the bathroom.
As for the procedure, they should offer you a sedative - take it. (A friend didn't take the sedative because he wanted to be able to drive himself home right after - he wished he had). I was awake during the procedure but felt loopy, kind of drunk - nothing seemed to matter. It was not painful. I didn't mind watching it on the monitor but that's your choice. I must have fallen asleep during part of it because suddenly I was in recovery.
Get someone to drive you home. I assume someone will be taking care of your kids during the procedure - would be nice if whoever could stay when you get home, in case you want to sleep.
All the best! Doglover
There are many wise, empathetic and funny people here: you are my buddies - I'm grateful for your support.
