Kim, Anna, KDK - Thanks for dropping by and praising me.
Sometimes I doubt if I am doing the right thing. There are still many many questions/uncertainties about H and the OW. But I would quickly bring DR to my mind and ask myself "What would happen if I ask him those questions?" and I would know that it would either make it feel bad, angry or defensive. That normally would be enough for me to want to pursue to know...Just a minute ago, I did have a bad feeling flash pass my mind. Luckily the STOP sign came up in time.
Last night, initially H said he had to entertain some ppl and would be late. But he called about 8.30 pm and said that it has been cancelled and mentioned he would be home soon. Within 15 minutes he was back home. H then took a shower and went out for a quick bite. No funny thoughts from me then because he did come back pretty quick. Nothing much happened. We both read and went to bed.
Tonight, we will be having dinner (be-earliered birthday dinner for H) with some mutual friends at a restaurant...I think some friends were kinda shocked that I am the one organising it. Alot of them expected that I would be giving H the cold shoulder etc etc. We'll see how things go tonight.
Quote: Alot of them expected that I would be giving H the cold shoulder etc etc.
My friends and family are the same. I have explained what I want to do, and they accept it. But they are frustrated sometimes that I am being kind to him. And they are proud as well... it feels good to take the high road!
Dinner last night went well....Conversations were like pre-bomb days. After that, we went home and H said that he had to work a bit in our home office. I went to bed, but not long, he came back to our bedroom and said that he was tired and couldn't really work. And offered . Well, we did and after that, while we were cleaning up in the bathroom, H commented "We may not have anything left, but we have great sex". I said "Shaddap!" ...I mean why did he have to say that we have nothing left??? I hope that is one of the things that we are supposed to ignore, and not believe...(What was the tag ? Believe only 50% of what we see and none of what we hear?) Night ended okay. H went off to look for snacks (his ritual after each ML session) and came back, and we had a brief chat about ugh...our finances. But didn't end ugly so it was fine. I went tired, and H continued with his novel..
Anyway, H is leaving out of state tomorrow again for work (so he says) as well as for his interview for the potential job (so he says again). And will only be back on Saturday evening. And he said that he needed to work whole day Sunday (mmmmm OW working too?? STOP now, yoyo!!!) BUT he did say that he could make dinner Sunday night with his sisters and mom. Think that is a mini good-sign ??
Mini-goals: 1) Sunday (26 June) dinner with H and H's family going without any hitches 2) H going to S5's family day at School on the 3rd of July
Quote: H commented "We may not have anything left, but we have great sex". I said "Shaddap!" ...I mean why did he have to say that we have nothing left???
Not exactly the post-ML talk we want to hear, but maybe is that your H's idea of a little joke? I know you have a great sense of humour, and maybe he just thought he was being funny. Take it from a girl who never knows when to stop a joke (working on that).
Regardless, you handled it perfectly... a light "Shaddup" works for either scenario and doesn't escalate.
I love your mini goals. I think I'm going to adopt those for myself if you don't mind.
Don't you just hate second guessing what they are telling you? I do the same thing when H tells me he is going here or talking to so and so and I'm thinking (yeah right). I just want it to go back to the way it was when I could trust him to go to the store or be on the phone for a long period of time and didn't have to worry about it.
Hopefully we all will get there some day soon!!
M:43 H:37 D14 (ours) D18 (mine) S22 (mine) S18 (his) S: 10/2004 Bomb: 2/15/05 In/out of home Living with OW #4 Talks of D for 2-1/2 years
Anna - Thanks for reassuring me that I handled the post-ML well. I was still pondering if I reacted ok with that statement. When he said it, it did sound like a half-joke. I don't know...maybe am trying to make myself better...
KDK - Go ahead and have daily/weekly mini-goals. I feel it is a good thing for me to do. I think it breaks our loooonng journey through our sitch into small bite-size manageable slots that we allows us to see the positive results.
Last night...H came back at about 10.30 pm....he said he had a work function. I was already in bed...with lights off, but we managed to have a short chat about ..urgh..finances again. But nothing ugly, since the ball is in his court now. (I've relingquished my responsibilities in the home finance sector) Ever since the bomb dropped, I told him that he give me a fixed lump sum for the boys and the mortgage, and he is to sort out the other stuff...like his own credit cards and car loan. Previously, we were always arguing because I do the finances and think he spends too much on entertainment/restaurants, and he was defensive and said "I have my standards of living!" (But of course, now I know that it is because he has been wining and dining the OW...) Another night of calm sea....
Thought he would join us for breakfast this morning, but he declined citing bad traffic to work. Was a little dissapointed since it is his birthday today...and thought that he would want to spend some time with the boys...and he is going away this afteroon... Oh well...don't let it bother you...YOYO...it's a bright and sunny day...
I really do have ideas popping in my head whenever H says he is going out/ working late etc etc. I really hate it and at times have great urges asking him "Are you sure? Is it true? blah blah blah". The urges, I have to say are really really GREAT. And it really takes strong willpower to STOP. I mean if I ask or query him, he will either get angry or defensive...and I will get back to ZERO. If I just let it be, I am sure he will tell me whatever he wants to tell me when he is ready, right? If he wants to lie, I can't do anything about it. And hounding him with "are you telling the truth? are you telling the truth" will certainly make him mad. That I am certain. So, I just have to keep reminding myself...be patient...be patient...when he is ready to rebuild the M, he will tell me.
I am still waiting for the day that he would come up and give me a hug, hold my hand, brush my face, give me a real tender kiss! *sigh* That is still a loooooonnng way away..But I shall be patient to wait till this day...if this day will ever come....
Just have to contend with my little bit of intimacy during ML.... more of lust rather than love??!!? *Sigh*
GAL for tomorrow.. 1) Yoga in the morning.. 2) Take boys out shopping and lunch 3) Bake cupcakes with boys 4) Afternoon tea with girl pal....
Mini-goal for Sat...H will be back early enough from his trip to have dinner with boys and I
Does anyone think that "initiating ML" is a big deal for the WAH??
Many times, it crossed my mind that H is h@rny and not because he really wants to have any emotional connection with me. I've read in many ppl's thread that somehow we feel that it is a step forward when WAH initiates ML. Is it really a step forward? I want to think so, but can someone else confirms?
Hey YoYo - Don't talk about me going dark where is your update????? It's been a few days what's going on don't tell me things have gone backward, Hopefully you are having such a good time with H that you haven't got time to post Kim xx
. Well, we did and after that, while we were cleaning up in the bathroom, H commented "We may not have anything left, but we have great sex". I said "Shaddap!" ...I mean why did he have to say that we have nothing left??? I hope that is one of the things that we are supposed to ignore, and not believe...(What was the tag ? Believe only 50% of what we see and none of what we hear?) Night ended okay. H went off to look for snacks (his ritual after each ML session) and came back, and we had a brief chat about ugh...our finances. But didn't end ugly so it was fine. I went tired, and H continued with his novel..
I don't know...maybe am trying to make myself better...
Oh well...don't let it bother you...YOYO...it's a bright and sunny day... 
It's been a few days what's going on don't tell me things have gone backward, Hopefully you are having such a good time with H that you haven't got time to post 
Kim xx