yoyo! You sound like you are in great spirits! That's wonderful to hear. It feels good when you finally get over that hump, eh! I'm glad he wants to go on that trip - lots of DB opportunities, and time to actually just have fun.
Anna - Thanks! I do feel much better in recent days...
Last night's dinner went on well...5 couples...old friends. We all got married around the same time, have children the same time... So, it was really like old times. It has been ages that we went out without our screaming kids. It was nice. We talked like old times. We had a GREAT time. The only mention of our sitch was when I was leaving the restaurant, and H's lawyer friend came up to me and gave me a hug and said "Be strong", to which I replied that I will and have left it to H to his decision..blah blah blah. H came by and later asked me about what my convo with his lawyer friend was about. I said "nothing", and he said "I am sure there is something. I could see it in your face". I told him what his friend said blah blah blah. He asked if he were posted to the foreign country, would I follow? I said "no" and of course he wanted to know why. Deep down, I wanted to say "after all this sh&t from you, how can I give up my job and family, and follow you? You could just abandon me there...leaving me with no job, no money..." BUT instead I said "the children's schooling... It's not easy to uproot and change systems". Think he accepted the reason...Besides, he did say he wanted to be alone ...to sort himself out.
That night, H said "I cannot believe that you still want to have s&x with me", to which I replied "Maybe I am using you", to which he said "that did cross my mind" Was gonna sleep already, and H leaned over and started to initiate it. Well, hate to say it, but we did . Afterwards, H went off to watch TV immediately. Before, I would be rather sulky if I don't get hugs and all. But this time, I wasn't. I actually pondered about the sitch, and tried to feel if I was upset that I didn't get any tender love and hugs after. And, surprisingly, I didn't have any emotions. I know that in our current sitch, not having such emotions is GOOD, but for a normal relationship, this is bad, isn't it?
I know I shouldn't even have this thought...but has anyone ever wondered if your H is thinking about the OW when he is ML to you? I know I know..horrible but do you ever wonder?
Yoyo - Good on ya - your name is correct you are up and down like a bl@@dy yoyo. You did really well at dinner by the sounds of it so well done for keeping it all together. It also sound like you had a good night and it certainly finished well. Can I get you to ask yourself a question?? Did you ML with him cause he wanted it, cause you felt it your duty, because you wanted it, or it's part of your game. Just posing the question as you sound like you sort of wish you hadn't as it has raised more questions for you. I am not judging as I know you read my thread so I think you know I would be the last to judge given what I have just done but it is worth putting that part into perspective, hard as it is. With him going to watch T.V straight after I just wonder whether someone else can give you advice on what you should do in the bedroom. I would try not to give him his own way all the time but maybe someone else could give advice in this area for you. Keep up the good work and you do sound like you are going along nice and strong at the moment.
Kim - On the ML bit...I wanted to. Am a notti girl. HE HE HE I hate to say it, but my hormones have been crazy for the last 8 months or so, and I find myself wanting it more than my H. Before I found out about his A, I was upset that the frequency dropped from twice a week to like once a fortnight. I had to initiate most of the time, and was upset that he says he's tired etc etc.(But of course, his reluctance was due to his A) Felt so dejected and unwanted. Somehow,...it's really weird...after the bombshell, he seems to initiate more of it, and of course I couldn't refuse the offer And funnily, after the bombshell, seems to find my H more attractive...didn't seem to look at him that way pre-B. He did say that I am better ...
On him watching TV...not too worry about that. He used to look for food or drink after a short session of cuddling...But now, I think he finds it a bit scary to cuddle??? He is okay with kissing when we are at it...but I am not too sure about holding hands or that kind of 15-year old dating type of gestures...so I have not attempted to hold his hand for a looooong time, neither have I tried hugging him (outside of those sessions)....Mmmm...weird huh?
WOn't be posting for a few days...we are off to our beach holiday tomorrow...will be back on the BB on Monday...
Your dinner together did sound like it went well. Probably helped that friends didn't make it too uncomfortable ( my friends don't want to be near or see my H ).
As for ML...if u were fine with it, then there shouldn't be a problem. My H and I ML several times since I came back ( but only in the first 2 weeks and not in the last 2 weeks ...it was always after an outpouring of emotions, tears...he usually initiated, I tried once but got turned down ). Now that our emotions are pretty cold don't think we'll be ML... and it's probably best that way, for me, us. I also know that in the ML department that I am better than OW ( even while pregnant ), which is why my H is still drawn to me in that way. After baby is born, and I'm back in shape...curious to see how he'll look at me.
Anyways, have a good trip and let us know how it went! glj
I'm on a mission to watch out for my fellow DBers's....please,please...be careful if you are being intimate with your H.
In the last 12 hours ( on my thread ) i have found out that my H has a viral infection (STD )...he's had symptoms for 2 weeks. I just got checked out, no visible signs ( and if i did have visible signs I'd be facing a C-section right now )...but I'm not in the clear yet, as there is an incubation period. Condoms don't prevent the spread of this STD, as it can be transmitted by contact with the general genital area.
So please, please be careful with your health...you don't want this same nightmare to happen to you.
Gosh...Thursday, backslid REAL bad! We argued like crazy. He actually called me names. I was so hurt and angry. I actually told him to catch a flight out of the island the next day. Told him to leave. I was throwing in the towel. I was tired. I don't know anything anymore. I even told him that he could take the boys.....and have his little happy family with the OW. Then, he turned and said "No, I want you and the boys. We can work on us again. I love you!" and he tried to hold my hand. So, I did get some positives from my backsliding episode.
The next morning, boys and I went out for breakfast first, and then H came, put his arm around my waist and said "I really don't know why we were arguing last night. I am already trying to leave the company". The next few days at the resort was quite good. We did stuff like a real family with the exception of some episodes whereby he wanted to be "alone". He'll go off being alone, and then join the boys, and off again. But I guess I can't really complain. He is showing some signs that he is trying to get another job. He's off for another interview tomorrow. What I don't want to get my expectations up, because he may not hold up...
On Thursday, I did tell him that I cried enough on this day, and I will not cry anymore. I will be happy from then on. He did comment on Saturday that I kept to my word, that after 12 midnight Thursday, my mood was like totally different. We laughed and joked for the rest of the trip...(even did a small joke about the OW...) He actually talked to S8 ..."Your mom looks quite sexy doesn't she? Are you going to marry someone sexy like your mom when you grow up?" ( I was walking in front of them...) And S8 ran up to me and said "Mom! I think something wrong with dad. He is talking funny!" I thought that was kinda funny.
glj - STD! Oh NO!!! I don't know how to broach this subject with H... Think would have to go for a blood test just to be sure nothing sinister has crept in.
Was gonna sleep already, and H leaned over and started to initiate it. Well, hate to say it, but we did 
. Afterwards, H went off to watch TV immediately. Before, I would be rather sulky if I don't get hugs and all. But this time, I wasn't. I actually pondered about the sitch, and tried to feel if I was upset that I didn't get any tender love and hugs after. And, surprisingly, I didn't have any emotions. I know that in our current sitch, not having such emotions is GOOD, but for a normal relationship, this is bad, isn't it?
