Anna - Thanks! I do feel much better in recent days...

Last night's dinner went on well...5 couples...old friends. We all got married around the same time, have children the same time... So, it was really like old times. It has been ages that we went out without our screaming kids. It was nice. We talked like old times. We had a GREAT time. The only mention of our sitch was when I was leaving the restaurant, and H's lawyer friend came up to me and gave me a hug and said "Be strong", to which I replied that I will and have left it to H to his decision..blah blah blah. H came by and later asked me about what my convo with his lawyer friend was about. I said "nothing", and he said "I am sure there is something. I could see it in your face". I told him what his friend said blah blah blah. He asked if he were posted to the foreign country, would I follow? I said "no" and of course he wanted to know why. Deep down, I wanted to say "after all this sh&t from you, how can I give up my job and family, and follow you? You could just abandon me there...leaving me with no job, no money..." BUT instead I said "the children's schooling... It's not easy to uproot and change systems". Think he accepted the reason...Besides, he did say he wanted to be alone ...to sort himself out.

That night, H said "I cannot believe that you still want to have s&x with me", to which I replied "Maybe I am using you", to which he said "that did cross my mind" Was gonna sleep already, and H leaned over and started to initiate it. Well, hate to say it, but we did . Afterwards, H went off to watch TV immediately. Before, I would be rather sulky if I don't get hugs and all. But this time, I wasn't. I actually pondered about the sitch, and tried to feel if I was upset that I didn't get any tender love and hugs after. And, surprisingly, I didn't have any emotions. I know that in our current sitch, not having such emotions is GOOD, but for a normal relationship, this is bad, isn't it?

I know I shouldn't even have this thought...but has anyone ever wondered if your H is thinking about the OW when he is ML to you? I know I know..horrible but do you ever wonder?