H's shame is part of what's preventing him from coming back (the clean slate) and he can't imagine ever facing my family again. This is a huge hurdle for us. He trusts my forgiveness, but not theirs. And we're both huge family people. He is a weak man and may be too weak to attempt to repair this damage.
So then I have to ask the tough question - "Do I want a man too weak to face the consequences of his actions?"
It's called "losing face".
This is the situation: a WAS leaves their mate and tells everyone how unhappy they were, and how much better he or she is now. Then, later, if there's a change of mind, there's a certain amount of losing face. Add to that that every family get together and interaction from that point forward will have some friends and relatives display an attitude or marked behavior influenced by their negative perception of the former WAS, or even just the former WAS living under the dark cloud of it all, and that makes for a very uncomfortable journey. Is it really about weakness? I don't think so, because that alone won't stop someone from being with the person they want to be with. I think it has to do more with having to face up to their guilt over and over again everytime there's some family involved, family that won't move forward. Who wants to live like that?
