Back from my short trip with the girls. Had to say that the first two days was fun. Went for massages, did my nails...went shopping...went to a rooftop bar... But felt really miserable and depressed on the last day. The place that we went,.... brought back so many memories...good memories of H and I. We had so much fun as a family. *sigh*
H got back a day later. We had a short chat. He clarified about the OW blah blah blah. He is still weighing out his options. On one hand, he is saying that he will leave his job to leave the OW. But on the other hand, he is also contemplating of the steps to take to leave the family. He did say that things wouldn't be the same if he stayed..so why stay? And if he stays, it would be for the boys. At that point, I started to tear and re-affirmed that there is nothing left in our 18 year relationship. And he said " No, no...we can work on that. We can leave this place and start anew". So, basically, he is contradicting himself...swinging like a pendulum. *sigh*
He was even jokingly said that perhaps he could get one BIG house and all of us could live together in the house. Him, the boys, me and the OW and perhaps her children??? Geez...he has lost his marbles. Think he is waiting for me to throw him out so that he doesn't have to make any decisions. Have repeatedly told him calmly that everything would be his decision and responsibility, and I will not take part in it. Once he has made up his mind, I in turn will then know what to do for the family and myself...either with or without him.
He tried to ask his younger son some hypothetical questions..and S5 was telling him "you don't love me..if you don't stay with me"...
We were supposed to go away for a family trip on the 9th of June. He told me that he wasn't sure if he wanted to go with us. Last night at dinner, S8 asked if he was coming with us. And H said, "err not too sure". S8 said "Even if you say NO, I am going to force you to go.." and he answered "err..okay". So, I don't know ...if he is gonna come with us or not.
He did ask me to tell my mom...not my dad, but my mom. He said "No, I am not moving out. BUt your mom should know". Perhaps he thinks my mom will scream and him and ask him to leave...and that would help in his decision. But my mom will not do that of course.
I am getting rather numb now...will take one day at a time...
