It's not that you're being a doormat, it's that everything you're doing is not helping your sitch.
You're speculating. All that thought you gave to whether H was going to move to another state turned out to be for nothing. So it is with most speculating. The imagined scenarios and questions that arise only torment but do not uncover the truth nor does it bring around a reconciliation.
The reason he finds his A more appealing than the relationship with you is because his A is new and he's infatuated. That does not compare with an older, matured relationship.
To hound him with 31 reasons why not to have an affair and five emails and conversations that show how devastated you feel is not attractive to someone who is looking at someone else that's feeding his ego. If you want him to seriously reconsider a relationship with you, you have to become the better option. You don't become the better option by trying to reason or argue him back to you. That doesn't work. That repels.
You need to get busy focusing on yourself, not on H and especially not on the OW (pretend she doesnt even exist) and filling your life pursuing your own interests and hobbies. As you do so, you will re-establish your own equilibrium and find that H's significance wanes. He is only a part of your life and right now, you have given him too much power over you. Stop trying to analyze what H is thinking, doing, might do. Dwelling on those thoughts is fruitless and painful, and the pain is needless. You are creating your own misery.
When you back off and GAL, it becomes easier to practice detachment. detachment is not permitting one's self to be emotionally triggered by another person. You have to resolve that you will treat H as if he were a good friend rather than a H right now.
It's also when you back off and stop the pursuit that H's focus can change. Right now, you are enabling him to be focused on your pursuit, which will distance him. take that away and he is more likely to reflect on you rather on the things that repel him from you.
For your own sake, you need to create a new world for yourself that makes you happy. You cannot expect H to make you happy. When H sees that you genuinely are happy without him, that can cause a shift in his perception about you, as it brings down his guard.
These things take time, so have patience. Whenever you feel like emailing him or pursuing, hold off one day. You need to influence a change in the dynamics between you two. If you feel you can't, then go dark for now. Take the time off to read the books, read the success stories here. You'll see these are the common elements to climb out of the despair. One way or the other, whether H comes back or not, you need to be the one who comes out of this better.
