Your concerns are valid. I am not so sure it was jealousy that made her think as much as the fact that I wouldn't always be there. I think she saw me as a "constant" and when I wasn't anymore it through her off. She seemed lost because she couldn't count on me being there.
I will not settle, no way. I didn't have to initiate the financial discussion last night but I couldn't let it slide. Compromising who I am and what I believe in doesn't help anyone. My will is strong and I can only hold it back for so long before it will reapear. If she won't respect and appreciate me then it will never work. She promised the "cause" for the spending is gone, meaning she is content and doesn't need to spend for happiness sake. I told her I need reassurances on that just like she asked for reassurances from me regarding where my heart is.
My guard is definitely up and my tolerence is low. It has to be. I'd be a fool to give her 100% of me right now. Not sure I even have that to give right now. It is very hard for me to just focus on today. I want the future to be guaranteed. That can't happen but I at least want to see effort. That seems fair, doesn't it? We have a long way to go to have a great M but at least we are trying. TBONE
