I hear what you are both saying. Yes, I am taking one day at a time. There is no rush for me to do anything. I have forced things all my life but that has to stop. My W and I are both confused and hurt right now. Our lives are extremely complicated and over a late breakfast today we discussed taking a couple days away to focus on us. We both need a vacation and a few days to ourselves might help a lot. We haven't been away by ourselves in over a year and that was just overnight. We go to dinner a lot but thats only a couple hours. Anyway, is this a good idea or pure lunacy?
Regarding FF and BF. All I confirmed yesterday is they are both crazy and deserve each other. I should have never tried to "save" her from her chosen nightmare. Yeah, no [censored] I am M! I said I made a mistake! Guess what though when I detached and my W thought I was ready to move on she finally started making changes of her own and said ILY again. What's the quote? "Desperate times require desperate measures". Maybe not "desperate" but certainly "drastic" worked here. Shock value is worth something and maybe me doing something out of character made her realize how far I had been pushed. Time will tell us the final answer.
I want a "partner" who is loving, communicative, caring, honest, etc. That is what I WANT. If my W proves herself capable of all that, great! If that isn't possible for her, I will find someone who is. I do not feel pressured to make my M work. That would be my first choice as she is my W and M of our children. However, I am not afraid to start over with someone else.
Yes, this much effort into my marriage could be for naught. However, I have to look three little boys in the face and know in my heart that I did all I could do to make their childhood a good one. For today, I feel that means more energy being put into our family of five. I don't think I am sacrificing my self-esteem and self-respect in this process but I am sure some will disagree.
Don't worry my other FF and I are not emotionally involved and I have certainly learned my lesson on that. She is a true sweetheart and some guy will be very lucky to win her heart some day.
