tbone, the reality is that these spouses who want you when you GAL and are not so available gets old...very old, especially when the cycle continues over and over again. I fully believe that some people have life altering changes that really REALLY wake them up and they know what they want in a M and find they really do love their H/W. But there are some who just play the game because the grass is ALWAYS greener on the other side. Your W has much growing up to do I am sorry to say. This will be a long, hard road for you, as it is for everyone. I know people who have reconciled, but it was only after a good deal of time passed where they were apart and to be honest, both spouses were very mature and honest about the problems in the R. If both don't have that quality and don't step to the plate, then it will not work. Only you know when you have had enough and when your W is serious...perhaps she will be at some point, but she may never get there. The WAS is usually so used to the LBS being there for them that they just take for granted you will go back. The LBS wants the M to work, so yes, it is natural to cave when their spouse asks for another chance. But when your life and happiness are at stake and things continue to decline over and over again, then you really have to look seriously at what you want and can endure. Your W has to really want to be with you and make it work for the long haul...not just a temporary fix as before. I see all the signs from my old bf, who came back to me after his ex-w kicked him out (again), that he is not over his sitch, and I have to protect myself this time and I am leaving him alone. You have children together, and that makes it doubly hard I know, and I wish we had a magic wand to make everything all better, but we don't. There is nothing wrong with protecting ourselves after this kind of behavior, so take care of yourself and your kids. Hopefully she will see the light, but one thing is for sure...at some point the WAS runs out of chances if they pull these stunts enough times. I saw the pain my ex-bf went through after his D, and it really was heartbreaking because of their son. And now he is going through it again and the pain seems much deeper. In his case, he has been hurt so many times that he really needs to work on his own life without anyone else in it, even me. I hope things work out for one way or another...I know they will.
