You are quite right that I have been focusing on her changes. I have made a ton which she acknowledges. I have even come a long way on the trust issues but she continues to lie and cheat even after I have given her the benefit of the doubt. She told me the other day that she will always need secrecy and privacy around me. That helped me conclude that she has no intention of being honest with me in the future. I have done a lot to work on me. I have a great support team, do things for myself, spend quality time with my boys, working on my faith, reading good books, etc.
She insulted and attacked me all day. The hug was purely manipulative and I wanted no part of it. She thinks I find her body irresistable and tries to use it to string me along. I caved earlier this week but it is purely physical. If we were getting along it would be different but I don't have a desire to be her boy toy anymore. Her actions and behavior have made a very attractive person quite unattractive to me.
The playing with the kids thing came up in a discussion on who should get the house. The truth is she doesn't play with them and the 10 year old simply answered her question accurately. I invite her all the time but it never fits in her schedule.
I have worked with her on this for almost 4 years. My patience has been depleted by how she tries to find herself. Going out to bars til all hours doesn't cut it in my book. If she was making genuine effort I could be her rock. Unfortunately, the more space I give her the more she takes advantage of me. She has a long way to go to prove herself to me. However, in the mean time I will continue to make myself better for my partner. Whether it is her or someone else is more in her hands than she realizes. Yes, she is very confused right now and what made her realize that was my detachment. Only when she thought I didn't care did she start caring about where our M ended up. I will remain detatched for me. I feel good about myself for the first time in a long time. It took genuine acceptance of my sitch to get me there. This detachment is also helping me to forgive her but it would be easier if she didn't keep repeating the pattern.
You are very right about the FF. They have really helped when I was at my lowest but now I can actually help myself. Yes, it was dangerous for while and I crossed the line with one of them but we quickly reeled it back. As I said we are very open and the two FF do know about each other. Thats the truth. They even ask about each other. Very platonic but could turn into much more if circumstances changed. The real positive for me is they helped me not be so clingy to my W. These FF have shown me that I am not the bad guy my W brain washed me into believing. I am scared to think of where I would be if they didn't help me find my true worth.
You are definitely not off course and if this was a new sitch I would be doing things differently, believe me. I have put all I have into my M and now I need to see something from my W before I can pour in any more energy. As I told her last night,"I am "safe" for you but you have been looking to trade me in on a better model for years and I won't live like that anymore, I can't. Don't stay because I am "safe", only stay if it because you love me and want to be here."
