I have heard "be careful" from my whole support team and I appreciate hearing it from you as well. I understand that and respect it. The FF's I made know my sitch and all its history as I do their's. We all have a pretty good perspective on things and no one is in a hurry. They were the first women I met since I was M(almost 13 years) and I feel a very strong connection with both of them. We finish each others sentences, have huge amounts in common, and similar life philosophies. One of them I can definitely see a life with, she is a true gem. It has taken every bit of self restraint I have to not pursue R with one of these FF. All of us are at the end of a R. One has a D pending and the other called off her wedding to an alcoholic BF after we met. I feel no guilt for the latter. This BF is bad news and I feel like he would have caused her a lifetime of pain. Long story, just have to trust me on that one. We don't know that we could ever be a couple but she knows there is far better out there than what she was about to settle for. This is all very complicated but no one is in a hurry and we fully realize the major complexities. I am a young man (34) and know that I have my best years in front of me. I am just very afraid to gamble on my W. She got home later than normal last night too and I simply don't ask anymore. If I ask she either ignores me, skirts the question or lies so why bother. She went to bed with a stomach ache and I read part of "Family First" from Dr Phil. I found the evening to be pretty symbolic of our life. My sitch is really pulling at my heart. I love the ideal of a great family. You know, the "Cleavers":) I am enough like Ward but my W is no June and never wants to be. In fact, we recently joined the local country club(after my W approved) only for her to say last week that she doesn't want to be a "country club wife". What? This is the kind of craziness I get to deal with. I asked her opinion, she says do it, and then doesn't want what most would really enjoy. I am done playing that crazy game. I bring a lot to the table on many levels and she simply doesn't appreciate me, period. I constantly feel like I need to show my worth to my W where as others see it immediately all on their own. The boys and all I all golf so we will enjoy it. Oh yeah, I have a ton of friends there and both of my FF just started golfing as well:) Conincidence or fate? j.k.
The truly strange thing is how great these FF make me feel. When an e-mail or phone call comes in from them my heart actually picks up a beat. On the rare instance that I see them I feel like a teenager again. I do a lot of public speaking and they make me more nervous than a tough audience! I discount those feelings because its only been about 4 months of a casual R but I never thought I would feel that way. Never! What I am fighting big time right now is the urge to spend time with them. It is so hard because we would have a great time no matter what we did. Yeah, definitely playing with fire here. It would be easier if I didn't know these quality women were out there. The downside would be that if I didn't I might still be taking all the crap my W dishes out. Talk about a rock and a hard place. Please don't worry about Tbone, I feel good and know that my life will get better from here. I have been to the bottom and now I can see my future and it is bright.
