Quote: If I knew that my rejections were so devastating, I would have seriously taken a hardr look at my reactions.
Why didn't you know that your reactions were so devastating? When you rejected her did she just smile and say "Okay" but bottle up her resentment or did she have an emotional reaction that you perhaps should have interpreted as "devastation" but chose to ignore or rationalize? If this is the case, I don't know why you are recommending "baby steps" as a good way to approach the issue. It seems to me the thing your W needed to do was come right out and say "I am so unhappy with our sex life, I may choose to end our relationship if things don't improve.".
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
