Cally , As you know, I was the LD in my M. I think that the suggestions above, particularly from HP & GEL, are spot on. The most important thing to consider, IMHO, is timing your talks to maximize the attention, minimize the stress, and avoid the talks in the bedroom altogether. My W would always initiate late at night, and then when I was too tired, and my trace amounts of testosterone were already long gone after the morning swim, I would reject her. If I had a trace of the knowledge then that I have now, things would have promptly changed. If I knew that my rejections were so devastating, I would have seriously taken a hardr look at my reactions. If she had the courage to tell me how strongly she felt about the issue, it would have been a priority in our lives.
So, no matter how you do it, you need to talk to him about your feelings. Eventually, he will get it. If you avoid expressing your feelings in a way that seems attacking or overwhelming, persistently, he may feel safer discussing the issue.
Persistent, safe, and comfortable baby steps are the best bet. Don't scare him or make him think he is completely disfunctional. W would only tell me that our sitch bothered her in the sack, and at that point, the mood is completely shot.
