I guess to clearify my situation. I have to be more open.

First and foremost, through out my marriage I have travelled on the weekends playing music. It was and still is a great passion for me. The problem was I got caught up in the Rockstar lifestyle. I had a dream to be a star, and this dream was feasible for the most part. The band was being wooed by several Record Industry officials and I got caught up in the possibility of being rich. My only reason for doing this, and I can't seem to get my XW to listen to me about it, so we would be better off. No more money worries and maybe our fighting over money would decrease or diminsh all together. The touring definately took it's toll on her. Abandonment issues, Maybe.

When the bomb dropped, which it didn't in the sense of I'm leaving you. It was more like, get your crap together or I'm leaving you. My first reaction was to give up my band and put an end to a dream that at this present time wasn't going to happen. I guess we had our 15 minutes of fame. I knew I had anger issues and immediately sought counseling.

As my process for healing myself progressed my wife seemed to pull farther and farther away from me. The first week after our initial talk things seemed fine, we hugged and kissed and even ML 2 times. After my first counseling session, and my wife was talked to that same day, she all of a sudden got distant. She told me the counselor instructed her to do so. Fine.

As we were going through this process my wife became more and more inaccesible to me, I.E., no intimacy and no touching.

After I talked to her parents and told them about what was going on, she asked me to move out. She was extremely angered about my talking to her mother. Her mother incidently called, the evening I spoke to them, and told my wife a thing or two about being a wife and a mother and the way she was acting was inappropriate.

So, I move into an apartment. On Feb. 10th my wife filed the petition for Divorce. In Kansas you have to wait 60 days until you file the final decree. All the while my wife was on the fence about the whole divorce thing. I asked her if the filing of the petition meant that there was no chance for a reconciliation. She said " No, it means we have 60 days to figure out what we want". I said "this kind of tells me what you want".

April 12th papers were signed by the judge and the decree became final.

So I go to her house, which I gave to her, I didn't ask for any equity. We started to talk. I asked if she was serious about saving our marriage in the beginning, she replied yes. I stated to her that I didn't get much of a chance to show you any changes. Which I had done. She replied "that she was scared, that if she let me back in the house, we would be where we started in a month".

She has told me that " She doesn't want to tell me that she never wants see me again and that we'll be trying to work things out in a year"
or " Maybe in a few months we can sit down and try to work things out"
" I just want us to use this time to do things for ourselves"

Why couldn't she work things out while we were married, I understand and have validated all her feelings about her apprehension to let me back in.

Earlier in the scenario, she made a comment about wanting to try a 2-3 year seperation. That is a long time. She was afraid that after that period of time we might look at each other and not want to be together.

I have heard so many comments that give me a feeling that she thinks this is a temporary deal. I don't know to handle this situation.
I have been GAL, I bought a nice house and am doing the best I can to maintain some sense of sanity. With comments like that from her I can't help but hope there might some future for us.