W and I had an interesting exchange last night. We were discussing finances, and she started to redirect to an R talk. She apologized for saying that she regretting getting married, and her other usual apologies. I told her that it was very possible for me to forgive her if she would stop hurting me and show me that she wanted to work on R. She was crying, because I let her know how much it hurt me to hear her expressing the M regret. She went to get a tissue, and I went with her, and walked up behind her, held her, turned her a bit, and kissed her neck,, and then lips. She gasped, and kissed back lightly. I held her tightly and told her that I wanted her, more than anything in the world. She was hesitant to return my kisses, but she did. She did return the kisses, despite being stand offish. We kissed a bit more, and she pulled away slightly. I told her again that I wanted her, and that I didn't know how to stop wanting her. She pulled me tight and gave me a big hug, and we both cried. I would have loved to have taken it farther, but she pulled away. She seemed to enjoy the kissing, but she clearly felt uncomfortable. The fact that she returned my kisses seems like progress to me. It is slow progress for sure, but nonetheless, I made it clear how badly I want her, and that my desire for her is not diminishing with time. She will be gone for the next couple of nights, staying at IL's for out of town job. I hope I gave her something to think about.
W is becoming more like her old self as far as reliability is concerned. She has returned my calls for the most part, and said she called last Fri when she didn't come home. She is more kind and considerate, and said she has stopped lying (HMMM????) She seemed genuinely concerned about my endocrinologist appointment on THursday, and asked when I expected it to be over.
My patience is good, and my spirit is strong. I will wait until the cows come home, and I hope W comes with them.
