W came home yesterday, before dark. I didn't come home until late, so she had some quality "alone time". Today I have tried to avoid her as much as possible. I don't want to get involved with any R talks. I gave her a hug last night, and she hugged back for a nice change. I touched her shoulder this morning, and she pulled away. I made lunch for the two of us, asparagus omlettes. She was polite and appreciatve, another nice change. A friend loaned me Dave Matthews Central Park DVD, and we have been running that. I have been listing gear on ebay while listening. It is good not to sit and watch the DVD with W, since many of the songs would make me emotional right now.
It is so hard to see her, so near and yet so far away. She will be home tonight and tomorrow night, and then will be gone again for several days. She said she called to let me know she wasn't coming home last Friday, but for some reason she called the house and not my cell, and she knew our landline was dysfunctional. Oh well, at least she thought about calling.
I gave myself a deadline of sorts, but sticking to it seems like a tall order. I can let her go, but for me it seems like all or nothing. I can't let her go a little bit, and retain hope for our M. I think I need to stay away from her as much as possible, because if I don't, It reopens the wounds, and prevents the healing that I desperately need.
