Grislen, I fully agree with you about the R talks. It is hard to avoid them when they are the only talks W will have with me. Asking her about the weather, the health of her family, and work only take up a few minutes of time, out of the hour we see each other. I prefer staring into her eyes, looking for my W inside the alien, but the alien always says "WHAT???"

GEL, I know you wren't saying I should answer, you were saying only I can answer that question. I was spiralling downward, into a funk. I got up and loaded up my van with stuff and brought it to the local auction house for tomorrows auction. It is all stuff that didn't sell on ebay, so it is a bunch of clutter at this point. It was good to clean up a bit, and my mood improved (even though a bird flew into my van when I was driving ) I went into town and had some pizza , and went to the new retail used computer store opened by my bossman. I was thinking about a laptop, but I need to hit him up for a raise first. One of the guys at work who started 5 weeks ago said that he and another guy didn't upload ads until their third week. I will be 20 listings over quota by tomorrow, the end of my first week. I think that makes me worthy for a raise

W is putting up a good front. There are times when I wish she would move in with the loser, so she could see what she is getting herself into. She is playing games with me, or at least trying to. I asked again today if they ML and if they used a condom. In one sentence, she said that she was amazed that I would even think that she wouldn't use a condom, and them said that maybe they hadn't even gone there yet. So did they or didn't they??? (obviously, they did, and they didn't... )

So, here I am in my SSM, feeling quite starved, and every day gaining more insight into the feelings of rejection that W faced.

Lass, I think you are right about just knowing when the end is near. It isn't. But I can tell you for certain that there is a timeline, and I will stick to it. I won't sell myself short, and I will not discount the price for readmission into my heart.

I do still love W, and I am happiest when I am near her. I don't believe she is done loving me. She says she is done, but I am too obtuse to believe her.