I feel the same anger and outrage every time I see another wayward spouse try to solve their marital problems by allowing an outsider into the relationship. This is really poignant, because affairs are relatively easy to prevent in a marriage.
In this case, csw still cares for his wife, and statistically, the marriage is very recoverable, and so is the trust.
Ultimately, it is up to csw to decide when he is done. At this point in time, dumping her won't help him feel better, or help her when the chemistry she is being influenced by wears off. In fact, when it wears off and she really sees this guy, the disgust is going to be hard for her to live with. Additionally, divorce is as emotionally draining as the affair, possibly more so.
Let me ask you this. What would you want your wife to do if you found yourself with a high school crush on your wife's best friend that you just decided was worth leaving your wife, house, kids, family and pets for (this is what the other man has done). Would you say that you were rational? Would you want your wife to run to the court house with a team of lawyers on a fast track to hell if that is what it took to get divorced from you?
It is very common to react the way you do. I still react that way and I know better. What I do now, in addition to offering help where I can, is to try and talk about infidelity when I have opportunity and time. I would really love to see the chemistry of 'love' taught in junior high school classes. I think that simply having a life long understanding of the process would save a lot of people and families from a lot of unnecessary pain and suffering.
csw, can answer you for himself, but for me, I appreciate the fire in your gut about the issue. Adultery sucks.
All the best, -NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
