oh, lazyhalo, you were so right - so similar ("HELP ME through the next 2 weeks" and also "Agonizing Day"). And you're right - this has to be harder somehow. I keep reading on this board of folks talking about missing the ILY and trying not to read too much into it when H slips up and says it. All I can think is how much of a more special pain it is when H says ILY constantly almost, and you know he means it, but only as your very special FRIEND. All I think is that he really really really really means that this is truly over - that he's not denying any love, just recognizing that it's not the right kind of love. And sometimes I feel a touch of fury at him for telling me it was for so many years - my "prime years" too - I'm 41 - I'm thinking maybe the anger will help me through some, maybe? I don't know what will help me through. Re-read parts of DR last night, and it did help me get back on my feet. Not so weepy today. H called to "check on me" and see how I was feeling; brought me ice cream from a favorite place 30 minutes away last nght - being more solicitous than when I wanted those things from my husband - guess he's trying to say "See what a good buddy I could be, what good best friends we could be?" Thanks a lot. I know he expects me to stay in his life after the D - but all I feel is that I cannot. I'm going to show him how a true woman of God behaves when she's in love with a man who belongs to someone else - he and OW will never see or hear from me again.
Whew! Sorry for the venom. You'd asked a question, didn't you? Well, DR is helping me even when I think it can't anymore. Someone on beliefnet.com recommended Healing Life's Hurts by Matthew Linn - I've been meaning to get it. A good friend of mine sent me Rebuilding: When Your Relationship Ends by Fisher and Alberti - some of the sections in there have been helpful to me, if only to recognize myself in the stages of transition of grief and anger. I seem to be stuck in there somewhere - I think with H still living here I won't move through anything.
