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Of course she is. The is no R pressure. You are D. She goes home to her place and you to your house. There is none of the daily dealings of an R; no discussions or battles over finances, in-laws, laundry, kids, travel, when will you be home, why can't you help me, school, schedules, etc.



Yeah true, just like when we first went out...saw each other on weekends and had none of those kinds of discussions about finances, housework, etc. Know what? We fell in love. Actually Dogma, when we first started out, I was like I imagine she is....just enjoying the time together without expectations. Not expecting I'd be married. Actually scared of being married to her and reluctant. But she waited for me like I will for her.

The question I raise with myself is, why would she want to spend more time with me or develop an intimate R if she divorced me?

Bruce, there is a common thread that runs through for you. It's that you assume that when she divorced you she was both rational and reasonable and carefully thought through everything. I thought it was well established that WAS run for unknown reasons, possibly due to alien abduction. She was holding on to past grievances, scared, confused, whatever, but that wasn't the woman you married. It wasn't the one you knew a year before the D or two years before. I've given up even trying to use that logic. You thought the D was a mistake....ever think that maybe your W has that feeling too but is too stubborn and afraid to ever say it? I just don't buy the argument "if she wanted me she wouldn't have divorced me." I do buy the argument that she felt it was the best thing for herself at the time.

Martha,

As always I appreciate the input. I'm not sure how much actual real time analyzing I do. I don't think "this is going well" while I'm with her. I'm just being me. I do write down what I feel is a positive on here after it's over, but maybe that is too much analyzing as well. Do I wonder if she is starting to come around or if she's thinking about the night before with me? Yep. Do I wonder if the call for no reason meant something? Not much anymore. I can't take the bet Martha. I don't know how not to analyze at least some. How does a person...monitor what works without determining if something worked? I do need to do less initiating.

Gabriel, thanks for the advice. We'll see. Got a reasonable book that addresses this?

You know....there are huge chunks of truth in everything said tonight and it is a great discussion. I did a lot of devil's advocate tonight, but I think the actual truth is somewhere in between. Only our spouses/SOs know the answer to what they were thinking during this period of time. If any one of us is successful then they are obligated to find out from their SO what they were thinking during the period of separation or D. Deal?




In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years.
Abraham Lincoln

It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed.
Theodore Roosevelt