I finally got a slap in the face and I think I woke up. Sure the interactions with my X-W have been for the most part good, but I haven't made enough effort on GAL and I also haven't given her the space she needs. My friend pointed out that she needs time to heal from our past R first and so do I.
So here's the scoop. We went to dinner together Wednesday. The movie together (with kids) on Friday, my X, her kids, and her parents over for dinner on Saturday. The movie was initiated by her, dinner by me. Anyway after dinner I started a R talk. Stupid. Essentially questioning why we are D and why we don't have a shot. I don't know what came over me. After that I tried to have a little talk to smooth the R talk over some and ended up nibbling on her and being on the floor..."heavy petting".
Again...stupid. Once should have been enough to tell me that, but I have to find out if this will cause her to draw away and feel guilty. Of course it did. Anyway, that ends the physical contact. I did say I didn't want anything to jeopardize our friendship.
Actually my friend pointed out that I need to heal from this D and give her the time and space to work through her stuff. I know that is right. My problem is that I feel like I need some time with her as friends to "deposit love units", but maybe this isn't the time for that. Maybe this is the time for just letting her initiate every contact. Maybe I just need to be her friend when she needs it. At this point I'm worried about just stopping all contact at once. I have at least passed an e-mail or two each day, talked on the phone once a day at least, and got together once or twice a week. I don't know how suddenly no more e-mails, calls or anything else would be percieved.
Or then again, maybe this is the time to give up the ghost, work on healing my heart, and start over with someone that is willing to give me a shot.
What do you think?
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
