Quote: I need a woman though to tell me how to get her to express them. It's usually so vague...like when she says "cotton-candy on the brain" or "it feels like I'm walking through deep water". I don't know what that means in terms of what she thinks of our R. It usually comes up when are R is good. I try the "what do you mean by that.", but haven't really got a good feel from her. Maybe I need a venusian translator. I think when she has cemented her thought processes that she'll come right out and tell me.
First, dude, respect the wave. It's like the cave/rubberband/whatever. You can't make her tell you anything, so don't even try. That's too controling. This was an issue I had with SO. I'd get in a weird place (wave-crashing), need some distance, and he'd follow and press me. Since I hadn't processed it yet, it would come out wrong and an argument would ensue. No pressure, dude.
If W is making comments like that when the R is good, that just means she is confused and in a fog. When she says she feels like she is walking in water, that means her efforts to move away from you are encountering some internal resistance. Just sit and do nothing. The tide is turning and she's slowing down her running. I'm sure she's feeling very confused right now, especially b/c she really seemed to be diggin' the physical encounter from a couple of days ago. Just mellow out and let her sit with that for a while.
Now, that said, stop temperature-taking. Just sit back, relax, and watch what happens.
Quote: Now, that said, stop temperature-taking. Just sit back, relax, and watch what happens.
Thanks Martha. Easier said than done for me. I find I keep wanting to find a reason to call. I did call to her mother to tell her thanks for doing some housework while they were there and my W answered. She was certainly very pleasant. Asked what I was doing. I was going stir crazy last night though and called to pass a message I had on my machine about a dental appointment. I didn't drag it out but kicked myself for being so weak. I'm going to be gone Friday through next wednesday so there will be a few days for her to think of things without me around to bug her. I think if she calls me while I'm away it would be a definite positive.
Well thanks for the Venusian perspective. I'll just do as you say and "sit back" for awhile.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
Did you miss the part where I said I thought the tide was turning??? Go back and read, on your own thread, about the stages Sage posted. She is really on target there, and you're at a point where you need to really pay attention to that or you'll get caught in a loop that will blow your efforts out of the water.
Seriously, Wes, do it. Sit still and let her start to develop the pull. It WILL happen! Look at my sitch! It's happening now, even as we speak! My SO has some crap to work through, but it is HAPPENING, DUDE! And we weren't even married or had kids together!
Or, look at it this way -- My SO is the love of my life. As difficult as it is for him right now, he needs to go through what he's going through so he can be a better person. I love him THAT much -- enough to sit back and watch him suffer and struggle when what I really feel like doing is running in and rescuing him. But I can't, much as it kills me to see him suffer in angst. I know I can't b/c that will short-circuit the growth he needs to encounter.
Love your W enough to let her grow. It will be alright.
Quote: Did you miss the part where I said I thought the tide was turning???
I'll consider myself scolded. I actually initiated contact before I saw this so technically I didn't miss that part. No contact today. Okay...I'll pull her to me with my incredible animal magnetism.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
Definitely keep it platonic as sex complicates matter when the R isn't secure, as I found out in my case too.
People always want what they don't have so if you don't touch her for weeks, she will be wondering why not and if she's still attractive and she'll want to initiate then!
My H always wants me more when I ignore him and I always have to fight the urge to call him if he has been ignoring me.
Quote: People always want what they don't have so if you don't touch her for weeks, she will be wondering why not and if she's still attractive and she'll want to initiate then!
My worry is that she'll find someone else to do the touching. She's been hit on enough at the bars lately to still feel attractive. But I'm with you Jo. Reverse psychology it is.
Wez
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
I prefer Wez. Don't mind me if I change your name to suit my own whim
When I said she would wonder if she's attractive, I meant attactive to YOU.
YOU'RE her H, not the blokes at bars. She shares history with you so your opinion will be more important to her than a guy in a club even if she won't admit it.
If it's any help, I tried out the whole casual sex thing and I hated it; it made me want my H even more.
1 night stand no. 1: had a manhood the size of a pea. I thought 'what are you supposed to do with that?' I honestly didn't feel a thing
1 night stand no. 2: Asked me to marry him on the first night when he didn't even know me Got angry when I kicked him out of bed at 5am.
1 night stand no. 3: got an attack of nerves and couldn't get the scaffolding up
1 night stand no. 4: Got me drunk first and then acted as if I wasn't there.
Fling: Kissed like a vaccum cleaner, was mega overweight, kept calling me 'Joanne' (not my name), asked me to marry him straight away, had breakdown and ended up on depression pills when I said no.
Believe me, Wez, if she does sample any bar people, it will scare her so much, she'll be running for cover straight back into your arms!
I thought my H had a doctorate in Kama Sutra by the time I'd experienced all that!
I just don't see that, either. Your W seems very into you. There is a mutually acknowledged spark, there. What a great start to the rebuilding process. I'd assume that area is covered and move on to the focuses that have some work to complete.
Thanks for the propping. Yeah, she told me about the bar guys. One was practically mugging her and had to be forced away by one of the band guys. The other started out talking about how they could live happily ever after. That's immediately after being introduced. There are definitely some needy guys (and girls) out there.
Quote: I'd assume that area is covered and move on to the focuses that have some work to complete.
What are those?
My focuses relationship wise are to continue the gains I've made in my relationship with step-kids and conversing with my W. I looked for the LL book, but no such luck. I need something that just helps with men/women conversation. Is M/V a good choice? Something else?
Personally I have got to work on that crazy book. I'm not even sure what it's about it's been so long. Build friendships outside the M. Most of my personal goals haven't gotten much off the ground floor. My PMA is good, but that's about it.
No real updates. I made it through all of yesterday without contacting. She called this morning to tell me she didn't know if she could take me to airport since she's dropping off her kids with their dad. It was pretty sweet that she called to tell me and also to say she'd try to take me even if she had to drop off kids.
Here's one small sidenote. My ex sister-in-law who everyone in my family thought of as a sister sent me a note. The front was a quote from Winston Churchhill so should appeal to Jo: "If you're going through hell, keep going..." Pretty prophetic hunh? The inside read "I'm so sorry to hear about you and Deb-it stinks. Just want you to know you are in my thoughts and prayers." The fact that she thought to send this note made me break down. I'm not always quite as strong as I hope.
Wes
p.S. Jo, it's okay to say Wez. I can hear your British accent that way.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
And we weren't even married or had kids together! 
Got angry when I kicked him out of bed at 5am.