Thanks for the advice. The neediness is a polite way of saying "quit being a weenie and buck up".
Quote: Instead, I'm puzzled about your ideas or attitude. Are you very focused on saving your M? If you had to choose, what would you rather have - the M or the R? If its the latter, at least for a while, will you be okay with that?
This is the hard question. Do I want to make the R work? I do want a R with my wife. The friendship part is good and I can handle it for awhile. But it isn't enough, not when I know the potential that we have together is so much more.
Here's my perspective....If I lived with my wife and we were married, having sex/intimacy, but weren't really very good friends (which is what we had), the R would be incomplete and I wouldn't be satisfied. On the other hand if I was a close friend to her but we had no intimacy/physical aspect the R would be incomplete. Either way I don't want an incomplete R with my wife. So my answer to your question is I want a complete R with my wife....the one we haven't had in a long time and maybe never really had. What I was expressing last night was a strong feeling that this elusive R was not going to materialize. That the best we would ever be again is friends. That won't be enough for me. But I'll try to keep the negative vibes at a minimum and concentrate once again on myself.
Now my question back at you....is it really friendship when I am the only one that initiates anything together? The one that finds opportunities to talk? Would some other close friend require me to always be the one looking out for the R? When I look at it that way I don't think we are great friends. Are you with yours Gabe? Or is it still a one sided thing where all the maintainance of the friendship comes from you? I'm probably expecting to much. It's my impatience and until I can be satisfied with what we have and nothing more I don't think I've truly grown as much as I want to or need to.
So, I appreciate the input. You're right. I need to remember to get back to myself. I am the only one in charge of my happiness.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
