thanks Dawn, I'm pretty nutsed out right now. Frankly I'm at the point that i'm not sure I dont' want to kick him out. but money is a huge huge problem. If I had the funds, I don't know what I might do.
here's the email I typed but havent sent yet: yep, I got your message.
ILY Dan, I hope you know that. I am sorry for doing such a poor job of letting you know that in the past. I more than anything for us to be great together, but I have told you that as well.
That said I am having a really tough time this morning. I got a nice marketing phone call this morning offering us a great new service for our frequently called numbers...specifcally the one in lindsborg that so much time is spent on.
I mean it when I say that I love you enough to let you go. I do not want to be with you if you want to be with her. nor am I able to keep living with the knowledge that what you say to me doesnt seem to be what you feel--meaning that you say it's over and you want us and yet it goes on....and on.... I want so much to believe what you tell me that I walk around with blinders on. If you chose to be with her, I want you to go there. now. If you want us to be together, I am going to need to know from you sometime soon in certain terms that is what you want. I need to know that you are sincere and willing to invest in working on us. The choice is yours. always has been. I am really struggling right now, but I will be alright.
Now I find myself asking what is wrong with me that I am so weak that I put up with this.
you know, there are so many days that I want to call you at lunch just to hear your voice, but I don't because I know she calls then and I absolutely cant deal with the pain. I hesitate to write you notes and emails because I know she does. I am afraid to tell you my deepest thoughts because I know they get relayed to her and she turns them against me. I find myself asking what kind of a marriage that is anyway.
