Hi Dawn, I am feeling better, in large part thanks to you. I tell you what, If I could send a plane and have you come follow me around for as-needed whackings for a couple of weeks, I'd do it in a heartbeat.

i dunno, I guess a person has to reach a certain point before things start to sink in, but in thinking back on our R, I've always been puzzled at H's A...I mean, to this day, every once in a while I speak to some of his previous clients and they will say how he always spoke so highly of me. It always puzzled me and brought me to tears, because I could never figure what I did to change all that (ok, gaining a lot weight didnt help either of us, but still) and why he turned so cold and distant for a while. But in looking at it from this different perspective, and from what I've read about mlc being a time of "life review" and examination, then it makes sense. I have to lean towards thinking that's it, because it is the ONLY thing that makes any sense. I mean, we've had our share of challenges over 27 years and 2 kids, but considering what some people go through, we have had a pretty smooth ride. and H has to see that and know that as well, he sees even more of peoples difficulties than I do.

This helps me a lot to see the importance of GAL, even more so.

I also makes me really po'd, I mean REALLY, at the ow again. the trollup (or troll????) went after someone who was as caught up and lost in their personal angst as any woe begone teenager. what a b---h. It may be a cold day in hell before I ever stop looking down my nose at her at this rate.

anyway, I'm finding myself oddly becoming more and more focused on GAL...but still committed to being more "there" with H, and making our M a priority (I didnt put it as highly as I should have) I'm still thinking on my personal goals, but I am determined to move forward with more of them. I would love to get my weight down to where it should be and truely get into shape, to ride a bike to work some and go bike camping with S (and H if he would ) to hike more in the mountains this summer (we don't go till mid august this year, so if I get moving, I can probably make progress), to screen in the back porch (H can help if he wants, if not, I'll do it myself, said the little red hen) and about 50 jillion other things. In fact, I just saw an ad in the paper where they are selling family memberships for a recreational park near here where we used to canoe and camp w/D when she was little. Then it kind of went to the dogs, then was bought by a group home for troubled youths, now I guess has been bought again. It would be so cool, it has campsites and a lake and pool and club house and golfing and tennis courts. If I got my own membership, S and I could ride our bikes to there with tents (it's only about 5 miles from our house) and we could do parties there for S and every thing. I just gotta scrape up a couple hundred bucks to join...and of course H could come or not, but we would have a great time. hmmmmmmmm

I feel better today physically than I have for a long time. I am almost afraid to hope that this could be something permanent, but boy do I wish. It's probably partly due to sleeping well last night for one of the 1st times in a long time...no sex, but the sleep was good !

oh, about steaming open the envelope with the credit card statement. It works. I did it not to long ago, I cant remember what I was fired up about, but I'd seen it on I Love Lucy as a kid (yes, sigh, a jillion years ago) and recalled it in a moment of stress, and by golly! Lucy was right!

been around awhile!