Hi Dawn, I think I sent my post in before I checked and found yours. You always help me feel calmer and get my head on straight(er)...when you are done in your yard, would you just come follow me around and smack me every so often???pretty please????
the patience thing....ugh...but you are right, I don't think there is any option but divorce. and lord knows, that wouldnt be any easier, I have a feeling it might even be more difficult.
I'm kinda going out on a limb here, but I never thought you gave me the impression of tight rope, but I sure felt myself like H did. What I think I hear you saying is that H was really never that intent on leaving, but let himself get caught up in a mid-life fling, and then needs his "misery" to justify it? HMMMMMM, I have to think on this. It's kind of foreign but an interesting concept. Actually it would kind of make sense, because certainly I've done many many things wrong, but I could never ever figure out what I did that was all that bad. From my perspective, I always TRIED to be a helpful, respectful partner and parent....were there times I felt hopeless and frustrated and took it out on him? yep. Did I ever shirk responsibilities??? well, maybe sex and housekeeping...some....but not always. Did I ever speak disrespectfully of him to others??? NEVER EVER. I always tried to honor him... So that would be the missing piece of the puzzle as to why he "needed" to do this, and obviously it WAS all about him in that case. hmmmmm, maybe part of ow's appeal was the "bad girl" aspect. ouch. that hurts, getting bit in the butt by one's own efforts to be a good partner.
thinking thinking thinking here.
As for the credit card statements, we each have and take care of our own, so I wont' see his. unless of of course I beat him to the mailbox, steam it open and then put it back...????? probably not worth it, but it does work.
the trust thing is a huge struggle. It would be hard for me to see a counselor here because in the smallish town we are in and the semi rural area surrounding, H literally knows and works with everybody in the business. I could pursue it. I could go out of town about 60 miles to find someone more un-acquainted. I may have to.
I'd really really be interested in what input anyone has on trust issues.
I've been thinking today also that my pride is still causing me problems. I find it very difficult to "act as if" when I come across ow due to the fact that always in the back of my mind is the nasty, pecking thought of "what if she's making a fool of me, here i am all cheerful and happy and she's still carrying on w/H, pulling him away with all of her crap????
That is a hard thing for me to face and deal with.
