hi Pam! It is a beautiful day, isnt it? it's absolutely gorgeous here...a little breezy, but then it's not called Kansas for nothing (trivia note: the name means "people of the south wind")

I'm feeling much better, still a little bit tired, but not wiped out like i was last week. I had a Drs appt this am, and things are going fine. I am however getting quite ready to do away with people sticking things up my nose !

that said, I sure feel like a whiny whimp. I was reading someone's thread a few minutes ago, I don't even remember whose it was at the moment, who just had a kidney transplant, plus has a sick grandbaby. Boy, what a wimp I am in comparison to dealing with all that.

I'm not sure where things are right now with my sitch. It may be that they are doing quite well and as in the story of the Snake that Michelle shared, I'm not able to see it.

I didnt get home from work until about 1pm on Friday, hardly had a minute to grab a bite of lunch with H and was late getting S's track day. When I got home though, H had an anniversary card waiting for me, and commented that he'd gotten me a mothers day card as well. He said he had rushed around in the morning and "waited and waited" for me?????I was only an hour late! anyway, it was disappointing to not have our "down time". I missed it, and I think maybe H did as well, I noticed he mentioned a couple of times how long he'd waited for me to come home that morning.

The anniversayr card he gave me was sweet. It wasn't real romantic, but H never has been. It had a teddy bear couple, with the H saying things he can't find, but that he had found perfection with the perfect wife. H wrote "It's so true! with love...", exclamation point included. I was touched, I have to believe he meant it, because he didnt have to sign it that way. I think it was 2 years ago he gave me a card signed with ONLY his name, no "love" or anything.

We had talked about/planned to go out to eat to celebrate our Ann. this weekend, h suggested going next week instead, I'm not sure why, but was still pooped so said ok.

I told him when he gave me the card that I really wished I could be the "perfect wife" for him...he asked "what makes you think you arent"...I told him I thought the perfect wife was more the Doris Day type than I am, always cheerful and perky and slim and smiling ( I almost said Donna Reed, stopped myself because that's ow's name!) I thought all day after that about Doris, Donna, Debbie (Reynolds) and June (Cleaver)...yikes. enough of that.

Anyway, when I mentioned Doris Day, H said, "well, she's dead"....I told him I wasnt sure...and he chuckled and said it made him think of a bumper sticker he'd seen. I asked him which one, and it was one that said "If you want a woman that doesnt gripe, go rob a grave"...kinda gross, but a interesting point. I got the impression that H's point was that it was ok for me not to be perfect. I have to say I'm glad I didnt say anything about the card the day before.

Yesterday, he had "performance problems" in the morning, and that makes him so upset and frustrated. I'm not sure what is going on to cause that. They did clear up, though.

H gave me the card he got for mothers day, it was actually one addressed to a mom and not a wife, but he pointed out that he got it because it had this adorable puppy sitting in a bucket on the front, and was saying "thankyou for all the loving things you do"...so I took that as good. He said he hadnt gotten a gift because he didnt know what I wanted and I'd have to let him know...

This morning he brought my coffee to me and woke me up (he thinks ), and sounded very much like he had been crying....I have thought and thought about that today, it was the sound of his voice and he was very "sniffely" and choked up. I got the impression also that he didnt want me to see his face. As he went from our room to the bathroom, I asked if he was ok, and asked why...I said he sounded "stuffed up" and he replied it was his allergies. I noticed that they cleared up with in a few minutes, which is unusual for his allergy attacks. Of course, my guess is that he had been on his usual early morning phone convo. w/ow and was crying about something related to that.

He actually inspected his swollen finger before he left as though he was going to put his ring back on...frankly I've said a prayer or two for that, I don't know why it's so important, it truly should be insignificant, but for some reason it is important to me. He commented that he thought it was getting better, and actually came to me and showed it to me. He does have a kind of scarred place there, says he thinks he must have burned it.

I noticed also that he was sneaking an LL Bean womens wear catalog out of the house this morning. Don't know what that's about. Maybe he's going to get me a new pair of hiking boots for our anniversary????? Always the romantic, he. I just hope he's not ordering something for ow; I guess time will tell.

I said he "thought" he woke me up with coffee, because when he got up, I spent time praying and reading a book of prayers. This is one of my personal goals, to have a time to do this on a daily basis. I had turned the light back off and almost dozed off again when he came in. How ironic, I'm upstairs praying for Gods guidance and strength, while he's most likely in the basement on the phone w/ow. ah, well. I did feel a sense of peace come over me though, I always take that as a sign of God's presence.

H is talking about wanting to look at a job at a counseling center 2.5 hours from here. I don't know what that means, just 2 weeks ago he was telling me how he likes our house...maybe ow is pressuring him, I don't know. Maybe the A truly is over, as he said 2 weeks ago. Of course, I've heard this many, many times over the last year, I just try to be validating.

And now you know the rest of the story...I only hope you arent sorry you asked how I was, Pam!

I'm going to really focus on my GAL goals, and refine my R/M goals. I need to be looking more at them I think.

been around awhile!