You have kids? How old? My opinion of reconciliation still hasn't changed..take care of yourself and if it happens it happens. On the other hand you have feelings for this woman. In a sense you can at least see her like a friend or your sister. If she is really on hard times....needs a hand..a shoulder..a friend, then it is merely compassionate to offer it. You feel sorry for her...that's understandable, even if you didn't love her you shared your lives for a time. I felt sorry for my ex also and helped her out.
The kids issue is different. If you need to have a talk with your ex in regards to your kids this OM has no right to get in the way. I hope you get reasonable visitation with your kids. If so, how do you handle the exchange. Do you have visitation? If you see her on those occasions just ask politely and with genuine concern how she is doing. If she wants to talk she will. The card...I don't know about. Especially with a jealous and controlling OM in the picture.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
