So I'll resist the urge to call him and ask to eat dinner together.
Wow, I resisted that urge for what 45 minutes....... I gave in and sent a text message "Are you interested in something to eat? I buy."
He replied "I ate a few hours ago and not hungry. thank you for your offer"
I sent back "Ok, just thought I'd ask. Won't have the opportunity for awhile"
He replied "Ya I should have waited but i was very very hungry and we gotta wax the engines shortly" (fire engines for the parade sat.)
So I sent back "No problem"
He replied "Thank you"
I wrote all of that out because it shows a change in how I interact w/H. Particularly the part where I replied "no problem". This is a place where I have made a big change. In the past, even before he left, if I would ask H to do something and he would decline, I would get very upset and even angry. I see how wrong that was of me. I want him to see the things that I recognize are wrong of me and see that I am changing them. Actions speak much louder than words. He declined an invitation and I passed it off as "no problem".
H has declined my last two invitations. He has seemed interested but he has had prior committments. I can't try to read into it.......... No more feelings...........strictly actions!!!!!!!!
H has declined my last two invitations. He has seemed interested but he has had prior committments. I can't try to read into it..........
No more feelings...........strictly actions!!!!!!!!
I will repeat this until I get it!
May I speak... er, write... frankly?
I did notice in a previous post of yours where you used to push... specifically that post was something like, "Can we go to the movies tomorrow? " H says something like, "I don't know if I'll be available" and then you reply with something like, "Well, OK, but if you are available tomorrow, then can we go to the movies?" Pushy.
So, yeah, big difference!
But all the same, calling him repeatedly with invites, even if you can toss it off with "no problem" instead of pushing should the invitation be declined, that's still pushy, yanno? He declined your last couple of invites - for whatever reasons - but you want to keep on doing it until you "get it". That's still pushy, Tessa!!!
We go by results. H's not accepting invites... so... back off the invites. See if that 180 gets his attention after a while. And if it doesn't, you can always extend one invitation.
Ok, I get it - I'm "pushy". The weirdest thing is that my H and my Mom are the only people that I am like this with. With my friends and co-workers and the rest of my family I am very timid about asking for things. The exception to that would be that I'm not timid about asking my brother to do things but I don't get pushy with him like I do my H and my Mom. I'll say something to him like "Hey, Brother, I'm ready for the kitchen sink to be re-installed. Stop in whenever you have time".
I'm trying to figure out why. I think it's because I don't want offend or push away those other people. But I don't know why I have found it acceptable to be pushy w/the two most important people in my life. I'm wondering if it is because I felt "safe" that neither my H or my Mom would walk away from me? But I now realize that this has negatively affected not only my R w/my H but also how my Mom and I interact.
OK, another thing to work on.......no more being pushy!!
Thanks Anna, it's gonna be a long drive for us to meet in the middle
No, I ate a frozen pot pie. This time I didn't burn it.
Now for the treat. Ice cream! Then I promise I will start cleaning.
Seriously, I do need to clean. H is dogsitting Saturday night while I go out of town and stay overnight w/some friends. I'm not sure if he's thinking about staying here or not but I want to give him a clean house. Yeah, that was another problem for us -- I was not a good housekeeper. H didn't like coming home to a state of chaos. But I'm getting better.
Changes, changes, and more changes. I still have a lot of work ahead of me.
I know what you mean about being pushy. I am the most accomodating person on earth (to a fault) but just always made the choices for H, and always can butt heads with mum. I always thought it was evidence of trust. Now I wonder.
