NY, I thought you might be jesting w/me - but I just had to clarify, I don't want to get a bad reputation

Well maybe your not the yelling type but you do a good job of keeping the rest of us in line.....Thank ya!



Journaling,

Yesterday my H and I spent over 8 hours together. He took me for a drive into areas that he used to make deliveries to in his previous job. It was my idea to do something together. But it was his idea to make the trip as long as it was. He did come in afterwards and well... .....what can I say, I am weak.... I think for now, I'm not going to worry about whether it's right or wrong. As of right now, I don't see any negative results. At the very least, it brings him to the house and gives me an opportunity to show him changes in myself and in the house.

After our outing on Sunday, before he left, he asked me if I enjoyed the day. Of course, I told him that I did. He said it "wasn't bad" when I asked him how the day was for him. ("not bad" is my H way of saying something is good, I learned that a long time ago)

Today I got a phone call from my best friend, she has two extra tickets for a concert on Saturday. So I told her I would go. Which is actually very different for me. See this Saturday is the Memorial day parade and my house is right along the parade route. This year, H is still going to be in the parade, and my family can still use my front porch, but I'm not going to be here.

So I did tell my H that my friend had an extra ticket and he was welcome to join us, if he was interested. He replied, "I really can't, sorry". Then I ended up talking to him later. He told me he would take care of our dog for me since I'll be staying away overnight. Then he went on to say, "it might be good for me to be alone and bored while your out having fun". Yeah, it will do him some good -- see what life without me will be. Actually, I think he's already experienced this feeling of being alone and bored when I've been out before. Gotta keep that up!

The problem is that everday I keep messing up w/my BIG mouth!!!!!! So I've made some good changes thus far but I can't seem to keep my mouth under control. While I work on making the other changes that I have made stick, I must concentrate on my diarrhea of the mouth issue.

I can't change the past but I can avoid the same mistakes in the future! So I just had about a 15 minute conversation w/H before I started posting. I didn't say anything wrong .

I'm also taking care of several home improvement projects - yeah, that's something new. In the past, I would complain because H didn't take care of things. I have found out that he doesn't like to take care of these types of things but he seems to get offended if I don't consider his opinions. So I'm thinking about a win-win solution. I can ask H for his ideas and opinions and make sure that i consider and use them. But I now know that i need to be the one to make the phone calls, plans and arangements to get the projects done.

I got caught up in the idea that the "man" was suppose to take care of those types of projects. But lately I have been surprising myself and others at just how much I can do myself. A portion of the these projects I am actually doing myself, and it's turning out really well. With the rest, I'm picking up the phone and making phone calls. Getting estimates, budgeting out the money, and really just making things happen. I think that is what he has wanted all along. When we were dating, I was a person that made things happen and got things done. Then I stopped doing that and looked to him to take over when he didn't want to. But it's ok, I can be that person again.

I'm feeling confident that I make this marriage work, if my H decides he wants to commit to it again. I see so many things I did wrong, but more importantly, I see what changes need to be made to not repeat those things again. I can have some control in whether this works or not, just by controlling myself..........

Now my mouth, that's a different story......anyone have some duck tape?

TJ