Although I believe that certain expectations are part of a happy healthy marriage, since we're obviously not there I'm lowering/eliminating expectations to get the overall goal I want. I think it's important to define expectations better also. There is nothing wrong with expecting your S to show you love. The confusing part is when I expect to see love in time spent together and H shows it in words of affirmation. I think that's the purpose of reducing or eliminating expectations during DBing - to open ourselves to see more clearly how our S's react to us and to pay attention to their signals without the "filter" of our expectations. By eliminating expectations we can be much more objective about our sitches which helps us react better.
Great topic Tessa. I look forward to hearing more thoughts from you
But what is happiness except the simple harmony between a man and the life he leads? ~Albert Camus
