The question becomes, why do we have expectations, anyway? Isn't it, in essence, a shifting of responsibility from ourselves to another person, thus making them responsible to act according to our picture of what is right and perfect and acceptable?
I disagree, it is not always a shifting of responsibility from ourselves to another person. I think that there are fair expectations, what you would expect from someone if they were living up to their responsibilites and then unfair expectations.
Fair expectations for example: - I'm scheduled to work the 7pm to 7 am shift, that is my responsibility. My expectation is that my shift ends at 7am. But guess what, staffing is short after 7am and at 5:30 in the morning I'm told that I cannot leave, I have to stay and work until 11am. Was it my responsibility to make sure there was coverage for those hours? No. I've met my responsibility, but someone else hasn't and I have to change all of my plans for the day to accomodate them.
Same as, H is suppose to get off work at 5pm. Something comes up and he has to work late. My expectation is that he will be home by 6pm or call to let me know he is working late. It is his responsibility to communicate to me when he has to change plans.
Unfair expectations would be:
I let the gas in my car run down to empty. I expect that H will fill it up for me. -- It is my responsibility so I should expect no one but me to put gas back in it.
I act irresponsibly and let my dog home alone for an extended period of time. I expect that he will not make a mess. That is an unfair expectation because I have not lived up to my responsiblity to make sure he can go outside at reasonable time intervals.
-------------------------------------------------- Having an expection that someone is going to do what they say they are going to do is not shifting responsiblity. However I am responsible for my reaction to them not meeting my expectation. For example, if someone tells me they are going to do something, like call - I do have an expectation that they will live up to their promise. If they don't call and I am dissappointed, that's fine, there's nothing wrong w/me being dissappointed. The part that would be wrong of me would be to get angry without knowing the circumstances. For example, I have often been dissappointed because H didn't call when he said he would or didn't come home as planned. Knowing that he is a firefighter and drops everything to respond, I just assume that is why he hasn't lived up to my expectations. And it's ok.
I'll continue this later..........gotta go......TJ
