Quote: That's so true. There's "slow" and "slower". Then there's "old man driving a car", followed by "snail crawl" and finally there's the speed most of us find in our sitches: "glaciers move faster than this".
Thank you for that timely reminder NYS.
Tessa,
I see so many positives in your sitch. keep thinking about what works and what doesn't. YOur H is giving you some great direction.
One thought I've had with reading a lot of threads here. I think a lot of us "forget" that our spouses can have as many ups and downs as we do. That's why it's so important for us to gloss over their down days and just see them as "blips". And use the up days to sustain our "as if" attitude.
You "sound" much better Keep the anxiety and expectations low and PMA high!!
But what is happiness except the simple harmony between a man and the life he leads? ~Albert Camus
Quote: OK, now we have something else sussed out that you can add to your relationship tool belt. If you've read the "Five Love languages" by Gary Chapman, you'd recognize what your H is doing as categorized as "Acts of Service".
I am a little familiar w/the concept of the "Five Love Languages" but I haven't actually read the book yet. It's on my list, probably one that should be at the top of the list.
Now that you have pointed that out and I've thought about it, during the good part of our R, my H always did "acts of service" for me. I can't recall too many times when I provided him with "acts of service" in return. It's time to change that.
Quote: Ah, doesn't that feel better too, grasshopper?
So much better.
It's not always about me getting my way.....H has feelings too!
Thanks Fearless.... I loved NY descriptions of the speed of slow --
Quote: One thought I've had with reading a lot of threads here. I think a lot of us "forget" that our spouses can have as many ups and downs as we do. That's why it's so important for us to gloss over their down days and just see them as "blips". And use the up days to sustain our "as if" attitude.
I totally agree. I think we often get too wrapped up in our own emotions to see what they may be feeling. I expected my H to just make a decision that his marriage was important and then just come back home and forget about OW.
I have since been able to see that it is so much more involved. There is the fact that the OW has become an important friend to him, whether I like it or not. To come back home, he loses that friendship. And he will feel sadness and hurt for that loss. Then there is his own guilt and shame. He once told me that he couldn't come home because he couldn't forgive himself. Plus, there is the fear and anxiety of facing "my people". (Family and friends). Plus so many more things that are hidden beneath the surface. It's just frustrating that I can't help him.
But I truly am feeling much better. I love this time of year. There's something about cruising along w/the windows rolled down, the wind blowing through my hair, and the radio up loud.
And then for a little GAL activity, my best friend and I walked our dogs together. It was great to be out in the sunshine and trees away from traffic and noise. It's relaxing to watch the current in the river as the water ripples past. And to have the companionship of a good friend. However, it's quite ironic -- my H has started communicating w/this friend via instant messaging. My WAH gave my friend relationship advice. He told her to ignore the guy that cycles between getting close to her and then running away. That by ignoring him, there is a chance it will pull him in closer and if not, then she knows the relationship is over. Hmmmmmmmm - Doesn't that concept sound familiar? I think my H just indirectly told me what I need to do, which is of course what DR and my friends here have been telling me all along.
I just find it humerous that my best friend is getting relationship advice from my WAH - and it's good advice. I never would of thought.............
Quote: But I truly am feeling much better. I love this time of year. There's something about cruising along w/the windows rolled down, the wind blowing through my hair, and the radio up loud.
I've been doing the same thing I need to get a great pair of sunglasses and I'll be ready for the summer!
Have a great day
But what is happiness except the simple harmony between a man and the life he leads? ~Albert Camus
I feel good today. I didn't get any of my work at home accomplished but tomorrow's another day.
My PMA is the highest it's been in 10 years. I like my new haircut - it's the shortest it has ever been. I was bolder with the highlights this time. I'd actually like to run into H somewhere - at the store, or maybe on the street while I'm walking my dog. Just to catch him off guard and see what his reaction is.
H did send a text message while I was on my way to work, telling me to have a good day. He called three times this evening but I couldn't take the first call and the second one I was out of service area. This is so good, I'm not even trying to miss his calls. I think I missed a call from him last night too but I forgot to ask. I did end up calling him back tonight and got his VM which he then returned. We talked about 15 minutes. He said he was tired and was going to bed. But I think I heard a call beep in on his phone and right after that he decided to end our conversation. I know, I'm letting my imagination get the best of me. So I said to him (imagine whiny voice), "your ready to get off the phone already" ---- bad, bad, bad! He replied he was tired and hadn't slept hardly at all the night before. I caught my attitude right there and was able to reply, "your right, you must be tired, you need to get to sleep. Have a good day tomorrow and be careful". Another positive behavior - respecting his desire to end the conversation and not trying to drag it on and on.
Tomorrow I am going to take care of a small errand for him. I'm just checking the availability and pricing of an item at the auto parts store. I have to go there anyway to pick up a part for my car. I'm not going out of my way, or taking any extra time out of my day. So I don't think it can be misconstrued by H as pursueing or "trying too hard".
Tomorrow's another day........Positive thoughts = a good day! TJ
Hey TJ - Great job with that all-time-high PMA Its terrific that you are journaling, the phone call dynamics especially. I remember some threads carrying scripts for ending phone calls etc - being prepared does help
So it's your turn to be our inspiration this week The only thing that matters after you've had a bad day or two is whether you get right back up and try to do better. You've said a couple of things in threads over the last few days that really connected with me 1) remembering that deciding to be positive can create positive actions and reactions 2) the fence analogy - I love it!!! I need to make him so darn curious about me that he cannot help leaning over and falling on my side!!
Have a wonderful week:) Not sure when I'll have a chance to catch up - it might be Thursday.
But what is happiness except the simple harmony between a man and the life he leads? ~Albert Camus
Thank you for that timely reminder NYS. 
I need to get a great pair of sunglasses and I'll be ready for the summer!
Its terrific that you are journaling, the phone call dynamics especially. I remember some threads carrying scripts for ending phone calls etc - being prepared does help 