I am my own worst enemy. It hasn't been but maybe an hour since I just wrote all of that about not calling H. And, yes I called him. I told him I was just calling to say "hi" and to see how his day was. He said it was a hard day and he was tired. Then we started talking about finances as today was payday. I told him that in a few weeks I could pay all the bills and he wouldn't need to contribute to it anymore. He just said "oh". I have to stop talking about that. It is so stupid of me. We have not seperated our finances yet and he is no hurry to do so, but I'm the one that keeps bringing it up. I know I do it just to get reassurance that he hasn't been thinking about doing it. I know it has to stop!!!! No excuses!
So I ended the conversation by telling him I was going to get something to eat and offering to get something for him and drop it off. He declined the offer as he ate a very late lunch. Then I pleasantly ended the conversation with, Ok, I'll talk to you next time. It was a total of 6 minutes.
Maybe I'm being to strict with myself. In the beginning, right after I read DR, I knew that calling him was a bad idea because he wanted me to just leave him alone. But now I am beginning to think that the action of calling him is not a bad thing if I stick to a few rules. 1. I do not make a habit of calling everyday but keep the frequency to no more than twice/week. 2. Keep the phone calls friendly and pleasant. 3. Avoid talking about certain issues - OR, OW, and the seperating of finances (if he's not bringing it up, why should I) 4. Keep the calls short - I end the call before he has the opportunity too. 5. Be considerate of the time of day that I am calling. 6. Remember that right now my H is just my friend and I need to treat him as just that - a friend.
I think that I can show him a behavior change. Previously I always called him because I was feeling needy and it was very evident. By calling once in a while and being friendly and pleasant I can start showing him the person he wants to be with. Any thoughts? TJ
