Fearless - thank you for the reference to thesane1's thread - it helps to hear success stories.
Update -
Yesterday H called me twice and both times I missed his call. I did call him back after the second one. Again, conversation just doesn't flow very well. I do ask him questions about himself, generic questions, nothing to do with his feelings or what he thinks out OR, etc. But I still find myself carrying most of the conversation. I miss how we used to talk. In the beginning of our R, we would talk for hours. Then somewhere along the way that stopped. I guess for now, I just need to stop trying to make small talk to carry the conversation and just let the silence happen. Maybe if I shut my mouth, he will say more.
Today H stopped in unannouced to mow the grass. But before he started he came inside for a few minutes. He seemed distant today. We talked for a few minutes. Sometimes he makes references to future plans that indirectly include me. And I just want to say to him - What is up, where is this going - but that's like a temperature check, right? I know I can't do that - so I bite my tongue. My poor tongue has been bitten a lot today. I bit back, "just for you to come home" as my reply when he asked me what do I want for my birthdy. And other things I can't remember at the moment.
After he came back inside we met on the stairs (he had been coming up to tell me he was leaving). He ended up hugging me and for several minutes he just stared into my eyes and he would start to move his lips as if to say something and then he would stop. He was so deep in thought that he almost jumped out of his skin when the dog started barking. If he was going to say something, he didn't get to because my brother was at the front door. So now I'm left wondering what it might have been that he was thinking about saying but not able too.
It is so hard not asking him what it was he was thinking about. Sometimes I feel like he does love me, just by the way he looks at me. I know I have to keep giving him space and not ask any questions.
So given that H is calling me and dropping in unannounced, would extending an invitation to him to do something together be ok, or shoud I wait and see if he invites me to do anything?
I was thinking of inviting him over for a nice dinner w/my best girlfriend and her boyfriend. This dinner couldn't take place until the end of May or beginning of June. So I could wait a few weeks and see how things are going.
I find myself not doing as well at detaching as I think I had been several weeks ago. H showing interest in me is building up my hopes and that worries me. I think I'm doing a pretty good job of GAL. As far as PMA - I'm still working on building confidence but my outlook on life is much brighter. But I know that if H again told me he was "done", or if he came and took the rest of his belongings, or opened his own checking account, or filed for D, I'm afraid I would fall apart again. So I guess I have some more work to do to detach............
