Yes, my first day was a good day. Actually the first 5 days are 100% stress-free days. Hospital orientation today and tomorrow, CPR renewal on Wed, computer training on Thursday and Nursing services orientatin on Monday. The worst for me will probably be the computer training - I always seem to get ahead of the instructor. And I found out in previous experience that they don't like that .
Anyway, I'm happy to be going back to work. There are two major things I want to do differently at this job. #1 - always stay positive and confident - no matter how much sh-i mean, stuff is hitting the fan and #2 be more outgoing with co-workers. I am determined not to let anything get me down. That was unfortunately one of the problems in my marriage - I let my job stress me out too much and I brought it home with me. Yeah, healthcare is a stressful career but I've learned I can make it better or worse just by my attitude.
That's the cool thing about my life right now. See 6-8 months ago I felt like everything was falling apart. I hated being a nurse as I felt like everyone had sucked me dry and I had nothing left to give. I felt my husband pulling away from me for several months before I he told me about OW. And I wanted children but it hadn't happened in 4 years of not preventing. So I felt then like everything was falling apart. And things did get worse for quite a while. But now I feel like that fog is lifting. I'm starting to get my career back together with a much needed attitude adjustment. The job I started today will give me varietly and opportunities to try new areas in the hospital. And at the very least I'm re-building my friendship w/H. And I'm looking into things that have interested me in the past that I didn't take the time to get involved in. So all-in-all it's looking up.
There are still some downsides. For one, I'm still not detached as much as I need to be. On the way home from work I sent H a text message and it's was ornery w/certain connotations to it. He did respond but he didn't seem as interested as I thought he would. So when I got home I checked the board here and started a new post. While I was typing I started getting sad. Since today was a tad boring I found myself daydreaming alot about H. So I was reflecting on that and realizing how much I missed him. How I'm thankful he is showing interest in being my friend but yet I still miss having the relationship that I want to have with him. So I was typing all of this and I was crying a little bit. Well guess who just shows up - H. Totally caught me off guard because I didn't even hear him pull up out front. My "wonderful watchdog" didn't even bark. H was in the house before I knew it. So I turned the computer off quickly because I don't want him to see this message board yet. In time, if all goes well, I may show it to him. But not yet.
So the last thing that I want to do in front of him is cry - but he caught me off-guard. He wanted to know why I was crying - but I told him it was nothing and he let the subject drop.
Thankfully he was only here for about an hour. Don't get me wrong, I love to spend time with him. But I'm finding that I need to prepare myself first. My goal is to filter 100% of what comes out of my mouth. I don't meet that goal when I'm not prepared. And the longer he would be here, the more opportunity my big mouth has to do damage.
We are suppose to spend some time together Wednesday evening wich will be ok because I have time to prepare myself for it. I just do not want to scare him off by saying the wrong thing!
Thanks everyone for listening. I will check in on your threads, if not later this evening, then tomorrow evening. Right now, there is a paint brush calling my name.........Or is that bavarian ham pretzel melt calling louder...........Ok, I can eat first, then paint.......
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