update -

I haven't really talked to H the last two days. He called me Friday - but I wasn't home and I was out of my cell phone service area. When I called him back later, he wasn't very talkative. He actually sounded tired so I just assumed it was because he hadn't gotten much sleep the past two nights and kept the call short.

We were suppose to go to a wedding today but he has to work overtime - he has no choice (this part of the job sucks). Again, we had a very brief phone call today.
There was a lot of silence. I did ask him about himself - How was his day, Was he busy - and I asked him about the new truck (he was like a kid with a new toy the night he bought it). But he just wasn't talkative and that does bother me.

When H and I have a good time together, like we did both Wed. and Thurs., I seem to get even more impatient as I just want him to come home and be my H again. But I know - patience, patience and more patience.

These are some of the things that H has said or done in the past week that make me think positively:

    I asked him if he was still thinking about divorce (I know very, very BAD of me - won't do it again). He replied "Not lately".

    He told me that he was "trying to build a friendship with me so that we became best friends instead of him being best friends with someone else.

    He told me that he thought he was slowly allowing history to repeat itself --- I find this statement ironic. 10 years ago at this time, I wanted nothing to do with him. My cousin, who was & is friends w/H kept saying to me, I know this nice guy that you should go out with. I kept saying no, no, no, but my cousin was persistent. So finally, around June, my cousin again said to me, I know this nice guy you should go out with - and I finally said, ok fine, if he wants to go out with me, I'll go out with him. Well it was about another month before H asked me out (which was July). So when H was talking about history repeating itself it was about how we started dating and became friends, fell in love and so on..... It's ironic to me because 10 years ago he wanted to be with me but I didn't want to be with him and now the tables are turned. My feelings changed then so his can change for the better now, cant they?

    I asked H if he wanted to begin splitting up the financial aspect of things since I would be getting paychecks again. He replied, let's give it a month or two before we decide.

    H offered to put both our names on the title of the truck he just bought. I told him i thought it best if we didn't due to the situation. He said ok and then said. "if we ever get on the same page at the same time, then I can add your name to the title". It's not a big deal to me, I don't understand why it would be to him.

    He gave me the spare key to the new truck. Now I know he can take it back at any time but why would he give it to me in the first place?

    From the time he came home from being out of town he referred several times to "something" he wasn't going to tell me about. Driving home Thursday evening he said, "I wasn't going to tell you about this but I think I am". I replied, don't tell me if you don't feel you should. He said "No, I want to tell you. On the Saturday coming back from Indianapolis, when I sent you a text message and you didn't reply in the time I thought you should have, I realized then that I did miss you."

    He has taken the initiative to come to the house and do the yard work the last two weeks. I had asked him to show me how to use the weedeater and to just go over the mowing with me. We have a lot of rocks sticking up out of the ground and I wanted to know what setting he has the blades at so he doesn't hit the rocks. He just jumped in and did everything. When he was finished I asked him when he was going to show me everything - he replied, don't worry about it, I have a feeling I'll just be coming back to take care of it once a week. I'm actually relieved because the kitchen project is taking a lot longer than what I had anticipated and I need my spare time right now to get it done.


This week I have not done my best. I know the things that I did wrong.
    Talking about myself and my feelings too much.

    Asking questions like "are you still thinking about divorce" and asking questions about what he wants to do with the finances.

    Finding new CDs in his truck and asking him if they were his valentine's present

    Crying when he told me my opinion was important to him (regarding the new truck).

    Once while we were together I got an overwhelming feeling of love for him and I guess I was looking at him funny because he looked at me and said "what's wrong". I said "nothing, I just want to say something but I can't". He replied "I know what you want to say". Then we let the subject drop.

    Asking him to wait a few minutes when he was ready to leave.

    Talking about my job and my feelings about my career.

    Telling the salesman in front of H that he would never convince me to buy a white vehicle (OW drives a white car). Actually I've never been a fan of white vehicles as I like to have more color in my life, I just didn't realize the connotation my statement had until after I said it.


I know I did those things wrong and I know I need to make sure I don't repeat them. Then there are a couple things that I did, and I'm not sure if they were the right thing to do or not.
    I sent him an e-greeting thank you card after he mowed the grass. It was cheesy, but cute and it just thanked him for mowing the grass. I signed it with the just the word "me".

    I took care of getting a wedding gift for our friends because he forgot about it - Am I being too easy by doing this for him?

    I called him on an evening I knew he got home from work late and asked him if he wanted me to bring him something to eat.

    I sent him an e-mail telling him that I thought his new truck was awesome and that I was really happy for him as I wanted him to have nice things. Then I joked that yes I was a little bit jealous as he got to drive a big awesome truck and I was stuck with a stratus. I followed that with "need i say more" and a smiley. I'm sure he will laugh at that.


So I guess, are my actions of offering to do nice things and sending thank-yous and e-mails like I described good or bad? On one hand they could be looked at as a 180 for me as I had stopped doing those things several years ago. Or are these actions more pursueing him than they are being nice?

I know H is still in contact w/OW. Is it naive of me to put hope into those things that I feel are positives if he is still having a relationship w/her? Do WAS who have an A go through a period of time when they are still having a relationship w/the OP but they are having a change of heart towards their spouse and seriously considering returning home? Or is my H just telling me what he thinks I want to hear so he can be my friend and continue a relationship w/her as well. I have heard it several times (from non-DBing people) that H is not going to come home when he can "have his cake and eat it too".

I know - patience!!!!!!!!!!! It has never been a strong area for me - never.......

Honest opinions and observations appreciated......TJ