Reading back over my post from a few days ago I feel like I need to kick my own self in the behind. I was worrying and feeling down for no reason.
The next day H came over and did some yard work. I didn't ask him to, he just showed up. He told me about his plans for later in the afternoon to go to a dealership and look at a new truck. Then he looked at me and said "you can go if you want". I was a little nervous about accepting the invitation. Was he asking me because he just wanted to make me feel better, or did he really want me to go with him? I asked him about this later - and he told me that I needed to learn to read between the lines. I accepted and did go with him. The dealership was closed but it was good because we got to look around without pressure from a salesman. He took me to dinner afterwards and it was really nice. We did talk about OR a little bit - but I think it was good because I had the opportunity to finally tell him that I do forgive him unconditionally. In the past I had told him that I would forgive him if he just came home and broke it off with her. But I came to realize that I had to forgive unconditionally to be able to start to heal. I told him that I was letting go of the anger and pain because I didn't want to carry it around with me anymore. I don't remember what he said in response to these things or even if he said anything at all. However, I am sure that he took it all in and was really listening to me.
So today, he called me and asked if I wanted to go with him back to the dealership. (He really wanted that truck) So I accepted the invitation. We had a good time. It very well could have reminded him of some of the good times in OR as we have always worked well together when it came to making major purchases and evaluating our finances.
On the way home this evening he told me that he finally realized that he missed me. He said that it occurred to him on the Saturday that he was driving back from being out of town. He had sent me a text message but I didn't return it within the time he thought that I should have. He also told me that he was trying to build a friendship with me to get the point where we are best friends again, instead of him and "someone else" (OW) being best friends.
This all sounds so very promising but I have to remember not to get my hopes up too high. I really just want to manage to stay patient and stay cool about things. I want to live in today, and not worry about tomorrow. And just continue to have fun and enjoy each other when we are together.
I do have a question for my wise friends out there. H has started inviting me to do things with him. Thus far we are getting along very well. Would it be wise to continue to accept each invitation as it comes along? Or should I decline an invitation now and then? In other words, now that I'm getting his attention, should I make it a little harder to pursue me? I really don't like playing games, I just like being honest and upfront with people. But I don't want to make it too easy for him so that he thinks he can have the best of both worlds - me and her. What do y'all think?
