Sage and D -- thanks for your replies.

I'm just not feeling much like a DBer right now. It's been one long day. I've been feeling stressed all day, and almost as if I just want to give up and throw in the towel.

This morning started off bad to begin with. I was fixing my hair when H was getting out of the shower. H made a comment about buying more bananas and OJ and not purging anymore, so I felt this was the right time to tell H that I was going to buy him some vitamins for his heart. I noticed he rolled his eyes at me when he asked why. I told him I thought they would be good for him, that I thought this would be a good start to recovery. H started getting defensive then said, "I told you I could do this on my own! I don't need to take anything. Why don't you just leave me alone about it!" I told H since he has made it perfectly clear that he won't seek help that I'm going to do what I can to help him if he'll let me. H said, "I haven't done anything bad in a couple of days. Are you telling me you still think I need help?!" I said yes, and H asked, "So you still think I need to see a psychiatrist?" I said yes, and H screamed, "I DON'T NEED A PSYCHIATRIST, JV! I already know what my f***ing problems are, and I already know what I have to do to fix them! Don't you f***ing get it?! I don't need help! I just need you to not bring this s**t up to me and leave me alone about it!"

I sort of yelled back, "I didn't bring this up! You did! And you need to stop yelling at me right now! I am only trying to help you, H. All I said was that I was going to buy you some vitamins for your heart, and you blew up on me for that?!" H said, "No! I'm mad because you think I need to see a psychiatrist when I don't! If you want me to take some stupid vitamins, I will! But I'M NOT going to see a shrink, and that's the end of it!"

About an hour later was when H saw the website . After my earlier post today, H irritably said to me, "So do they tell you what to do?" I told him no, that this was a place for me to talk about my feelings and everyone here is very supportive. That was it - he didn't ask anything more.

My PMA left today -- I don't know. Maybe it needed a vacation of its own . I tried to bring it back, but....oh well. Of course, H took notice and kept apologizing for our fight in the morning. I told him I was alright and to forget about it. H said, "Well, lighten up please. Whenever you're quiet, it always makes me think you're mad at me, and I can't stand it."

Yes, H said he was sorry a few times today for getting angry. H said, "I'm sorry, alright? Look....I'll take whatever you want me to take. Just please don't tell me you think I need to see a psychiatrist again. Ok please? It's not going to help me. They'll tell me what I already know -- that I need to be more involved with the kids, I need a better job closer to home, I need to take my wife out once a week -- I already know all this. Or they'll tell me I need to go my separate way -- is that what you want to happen?.....I'm sorry, ok?" I just said ok.

Later I went to the grocery store, and when I came back, H was right there waiting to help me bring in the bags, but he was also dressed (he had on "lounging" clothes earlier -- he was putting up the kitchen light fixture today and doing other little things in the garage), so I knew he was going to ask if he could go play cards seeing that Wednesday is the big tournament night at one particular card room. I was right . That's makes the 2nd poker night this week.....we'll see .

I'm sorry. I've just had a bad day. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

Thanks for listening.

JV

Valerie

"I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination." ~ author unknown

"Piecing is not for the faint of heart." ~ sage