Trying to find our way to happiness

[ValerieA]

Hi, cally. Thank you for taking the time to stop by my thread .

Unfortunately, yes. Poker goes on ALL night, EVERY night. The game never ends unless too many players leave the table and no one else wants to play to fill the seats. Most of the time, H will get home around midnight or so, but on a bad night where he loses some $$ (which was the case the other night), he can be out even later trying to get back to even. It sucks, but what can I do ? I can't give him any heat about it because it only makes things worse.

Things are going very well right now so I don't want to bring up the compromise issue again just yet. I think the next time H wants to go would be a better time.

Now....the bulemia issue (or is it bilemia? -- anyway). I know it's a VERY serious illness, and I HAVE brought it up to him on several occasions VERY gently and trying not to "back him into a corner".

H has not always been this way. I'm guessing it started maybe about 8 months to a year ago; clearly after H's doctor told him he had to lose weight (A LOT of weight)....or else .

When H lost about 90 lbs in 3 months (he cut way down on eating and was exercising everyday), SIL asked me one day, "You don't think he's doing anything wrong do you?" I asked her what did she mean. SIL said that back when H was still in high school, she knew that H was sometimes making himself (you know what). I told her I didn't think he was doing that. She said alright and to just keep an eye out.

I never suspected anything until about 3 or 4 months ago when H was taking a shower and I heard him getting sick. The bathroom door was locked so I asked him if he was alright. H said yes, he just had an upset stomach. At that moment I remembered what SIL said to me, but I didn't say anything to H. Over the next few months, I would hear H having those moments. Not all the time, but still, it's been enough to have me worried.

Asking H to seek help.....I don't think that's possible. I know he could really use it; I know he needs it. I've brought it up before, and H would say, "I don't do it all the time" or "I'm okay". Once, I brought up what happened to Terry Schiavo. She was bulemic, then unfortunately, she suffered cardiac arrest. This really seemed to have some sort of effect on H because he began filling himself with bananas, orange juice, and anything else loaded with potassium or anything else for a healthier heart.

H has told me that he is going to stop. Do I believe him? I don't know, but I'm keeping my eyes and ears open. I will say that I haven't "heard" anything more since he's been back home.

I don't think I want to bring his family into this. At least not now. If it should reach a certain point that I feel needs more than I can give, then I may have to, but if I do, I know he will be so angry with me. He's told me not to say anything about this to his mom or sister. H doesn't want them to worry. He said he is stopping.

I am worried, but I feel like I can't push the subject with him much more. I don't want to ignore it, but it seems I have to just for now.

Thank you again, cally, for your concern.

JV