Trying to find our way to happiness

[ValerieA]

Hi there.

Thanks, D. Things are seemingly going right. When they go this way for longer than a couple of weeks or so with very few bumps in-between, then I'll have an even better sense of being on track. I have been following your sitch as well as other's but since I'm still fairly new to all of this, I feel that I don't have a whole lot to offer other than my support. Thanks again, D, for stopping by and your valued support !

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Not a whole lot when on today.

H picked up S5 from school and brought one of his classmates over to play with. H took them bowling before going to pick up S9 from school. Then H took all 3 of them to play mini-golf. H was quite the COOL dad today ! Later I thanked H for doing all that (helping out with the boys -- and even an extra one no less !!).

I called H while they were out playing mini-golf to ask him to pick up a loaf of bread on their way home. He said he would then he said, "I wanted to go play in the tournament tonight, but I figured you'd give me h*ll." BEEP...BEEP...BEEP BEEP BEEP!!!-- H is beginning to push a button there, but I remained calm, positive, and upbeat . I said to H, "No, I wouldn't do that. You CAN just ask me if that's what you want to do, you know?" H said, "No that's alright. I'll stay home." I may be ASSuming, but I DO know my H, and I could tell in his voice that he really wanted to go, so I said, "H, if you'd like to go play cards tonight, go ahead! I don't mind." H said, "Are you sure?" I said, "Yes! Go win big, Daddy!" He was happy !

When they got home, H had forgotten the bread.....oh well.

The poker thing was kind of mildly getting to me, so I went into the bedroom (H was changing):

Me: "I know you're in a hurry to make the tournament, so when you have more time, I'd like to talk about a compromise as far as poker nights go."
H: "Do you not want me to go?"
Me: "No, I told you to go; it's fine. I just feel we need to discuss a compromise."
H: "Well, here's the compromise: I'm going to play in the tournament tonight then I'm coming home. Tomorrow I have to set up the show then I'm coming home. I'm working the show the whole weekend and I'll be home every night. Then I'm going to schedule the jobs and get them done as soon as I can so we can go away and do something next weekend."
Me: "Ok, that's fine,....but I meant something more as a general guideline."
H: "Ok, I agree. We'll talk about it later."
Me: "Alright. Thank you."

Before H left, I wished him luck, he thanked me for letting him go and gave me a hug and kiss .

Alright....the "compromise" I was thinking of was along these lines: I will agree to H playing cards 2 nights a week. These poker nights would be best between Monday through Thursday. Friday through Sunday should be "family" nights.

I don't think I'm really asking for too much seeing how H is away so much.

Does anyone disagree? Or have any thoughts for a better agreement?

If H were to agree to this, I hope he wouldn't perceive this as another possible controlling issue , and I hope he wouldn't agree to it if he feels he is only doing it to make me happy . Should I gently express these concerns to H?

Please -- your thoughts are greatly appreciated! Thank you !

JV