Trying to find our way to happiness

[ValerieA]

Ok. I just have some thoughts I need to get out.

Still haven't heard from H. The boys will be calling him soon to have their nightly chat so I hope H answers for them.

The boys and I went out with my parents, two of my sisters (I have three), and their families for an early Mother's Day dinner. We all had a really nice time. I don't get to see my sisters that often so I'm always very happy when I do. The boys got to play with their cousins which is always the best part for them.

After we went out for dinner, we all went back to my parents' house to check out the progress on their remodeling. Then the kids went off to play, the baby was sleeping, and the guys were doing their thing in one room while us ladies were doing ours in another.

I kind of drifted off into "self-pity land" as I heard my mother and sisters talking about all the great things going on in their lives. All the family vacations and romantic getaways ( ) that were going to take place soon. All the little special surprises their Hs have done for them......I AM happy for them......I just can't help feeling the way I do and thinking, "Why can't that be H and me? Why did things have to go so wrong?"

My family knows NOTHING about our sitch. It took everything I had to not burst into tears in front of them; I waited until I got home.

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H just called. I had been crying a bit before I answered. H asked what was wrong; he said I sounded funny. I told H nothing, it was just my allergies bothering me . H asked what we did today so I told him about our dinner with my family. H asked, "So.....did you talk to your sisters?" From the way he asked, I knew what he meant because H knows that I talk to them frequently via email; my sisters and I share everything, but I have kept all of this from them. I told H, "Yes, but not about us. We talked about other things." Before H could ask "what other things", I added, "Oh! BTW, BIL was talking about them possibly moving to AZ." H said, "Really?!......So what now? Since BIL's talking about it, it's "cool" now?" I said, "It was never UNcool......When you were talking about us moving there months ago,.....it was harder......It's hard leaving everything here behind."

Then H said, "I didn't want to leave everything behind either......I just feel like we could start all over again out here......Maybe even live easier, too...I don't know." I said, "Well, like I said, let's go out there together sometime so I can check it out."

We talked a little more then H asked to speak with the boys. S9 gave the phone back to me when they were done. H said, "Alright. I'm gonna go do my laundry now, so I'll talk to you later. Take care, pretty girl." I said, "You, too, stud." H said with a tiny chuckle "ILY", and I told him "ILY", too.

All in all, it was a nice convo. I wanted to ask why he didn't answer or call back last night but decided to just let it be. The convo was going good, and I didn't want to foul anything up.

Ok, I've got to get the kids to bed now.

Thanks for listening.

JV