Trying to find our way to happiness

[ValerieA]

Alright I have time for another quick update:

I felt bad about ending the phone convo on a sour note, so I called H while I was going to pick up S9; after I had plenty of time to "chill out".

When H answered ( ), I told him I was sorry for getting upset. I've been stressed out with everything going on today. H said, "Oh. I thought it was my fault." I said, "No, it was me. Well, maybe both of us . Again, I'm sorry." H said, "Ok. Me, too." We chatted a bit before hanging up on a MUCH better note.

...I considered myself a giving person but when I really thought about it, well, it occurred to me that I was quite giving to others in terms of doing things for them but not so much to h. In fact, I think...that doing errands and nice things for my h made me some sort of doormat.

I have thought the same about myself, too. When I take a step back to look at myself, I AM nicer about doing for others; more than for H. It never used to be that way, so WHEN did it change? I would have to say when I felt H stopped doing for me; when H stopped speaking my LL -- Quality Time. Sure, H has asked me to do many things for him as any loving wife would do for her H, and I've always done them, but I think when my love tank wasn't being filled anymore, my attitude toward H asking for "favors" changed dramatically. Like in one of my past posts, I can HEAR my resentment in my responses to H asking for a favor -- Me: " (sighing)...Yes, I can do that," and thinking at the same time, "Sure, I'll do what you're asking for like I always do, but when are YOU going to do for ME?!!!"

Since my needs weren't being met, I felt more and more like a doormat, and with my in-laws saying things like, "JV, you do so much for him. When is he going to see that? When is he going to start treating you better?", it only made my resentment grow even more.

Anyway, perhaps your h is feeling a bit of that?

He very well could be.

...people get irked for all kinds of reasons...if you can let it roll off of you without responding in anger or resentment, you may both feel better.

You're absolutely right. Sometimes I am able to achieve this, other times I'm not so lucky . Another thing to work on .

(Oh, I just thought of another one...maybe he was irked because you HAD agreed to fedx but then changed your mind?)

I would have to say BULLSEYE!!! When I called H to apologize, he stated this almost word for word.

So...next time I agree to something, I have to stick to it. That is, if I want to avoid conflict. ....hmmm....LOL!

Thank you, thank you, thank you, Sage!

JV