Trying to find our way to happiness

[sage]

I talked to H again a few minutes ago. I wanted to know if I could just send his DL through the mail; it would be easier for me this way instead of having to wait in line at the post office or at Kinko's, but instead of hearing from H, "No, JV, I would prefer it to be done through Fed-Ex please," I got, "This is bulls**t! What's the big deal? If it's too much for you to do then give it to my mom so she can do it for me." Then H asked me what was the deal with my attitude, and I said (not DBing), "Maybe it has something to do with your attitude. I was only asking a simple question. You could have said no a lot nicer than how you just did." H said snidely, "(sigh)...Ok. Sorry." I said I was getting off the phone now then we said bye.

One of the things I heard from h during the bomb dropping phase was "God forbid you'd actually do anything for ME!". At first I was astonished because I considered myself a giving person but when I really thought about it, well, it occurred to me that I was quite giving to others in terms of doing things for them but not so much to h. In fact, I think I had really embraced my mom's mantra that doing errands and nice things for my h made me some sort of doormat.

Anyway, perhaps your h is feeling a bit of that? I can tell from the rest of your post how very busy you are with errands and kids and all so it's clearly not a question of effort .

It could also be that he had made a suggestion as to the solution (Fedx) and he felt challenged by your suggestion to do something different?

Also, maybe he was just reeling a bit from the conversation about the cell phone. I've noticed that sometimes h's anger or concern about one thing comes out in an entirely different way...

None of these are likely very helpful thoughts other than to suggest that people get irked for all kinds of reasons...if you can let it roll off of you without responding in anger or resentment, you may both feel better.

(Oh, I just thought of another one...maybe he was irked because you HAD agreed to fedx but then changed your mind?)

Hang in there with all you've got going on!

Sage